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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Picture Thisdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: The Wolverine
    ASL Info:    23/M/MA
    Elite Ratio:    4.51 - 74/137/91
    Words: 90
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 798
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 628



    Description:
       I have a fascination with prison and wordplay.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPicture Thisdots
    -------------------------------------------



    life in an 8 by 10
    movement within but solid walls
    bars where nobody drinks
    fingers slip between and eyes glance
    down austere halls

    life in a cell
    with more than protons and neutrons
    watching others leave
    the sentence is written
    and the conviction is unquestioned

    breaks inbetween but the 8 by 10 is where
    life takes place, most of the time
    the fences outside arent the only thing
    keeping them in

    yeah, time keeps going
    and crime does too
    life sucks
    expire, it's through




    Submitted on 2006-09-13 16:16:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    2: I dunno...
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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      In the first place, what draws me into your page is your name "wolverine".
    About the poem, the title commands the reader and all of a sudden it gives you the idea on what you're gonna get. So I think it was perfect for the piece. And the lines did not disappoint me at all. This is a snapshot on one's life, the feeling contained is expressed very well. " life in the cell" that was just great.

    I wish I have more constructive to say but this is well-written.
    Good job here;-)

    Jen
    | Posted on 2012-09-25 00:00:00 | by jeniecel | [ Reply to This ]
      "The Wolverine" heh you have such a badass name.

    Anyway, the piece: I liked your third line "bars where nobody drinks". Though I have heard it before, I can't help but acknowledge it as a brilliant line.

    Overall, you depressed me. :( Not in a bad way, you put me right where I was identifying with a situation I have never been in. THAT takes talent. You continue to take simple things and turn it into a work or art for me.

    I have enjoyed everything I have read from you so far, so please: KEEP WRITING!

    god bless
    | Posted on 2008-12-14 00:00:00 | by Celeste J. Bell | [ Reply to This ]
      very interesting approach. Loved the different examples of things that held you in, away from life.

    "Bars where nobody drinks"-favorite line. it relates to the outside world. the one you cant reach. reiterates feeling of containment.

    good write, continue to use such strong comparisons
    | Posted on 2008-10-01 00:00:00 | by oolalaoo33 | [ Reply to This ]
      can't really say that i know what thats like, but your write really put me there. i feel trapped in my own life. is that what you're really talking about. thats what i really like about this. it can be used in the literal sense, and just about any way you want it to be. very flexible, and an awsome write
    | Posted on 2006-09-14 00:00:00 | by ladinyte | [ Reply to This ]
      wow that was really nifty. All the wordplay on bars and cells, so neat. :) I like how you repeated 8 by 10, it kept you remembering the gest of the poem and how it really is. Really good poem, so interesting.

    Meg
    | Posted on 2006-09-13 00:00:00 | by dreamer37517 | [ Reply to This ]


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