Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Picture Thisdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: The Wolverine
    ASL Info:    23/M/MA
    Elite Ratio:    4.51 - 74/137/91
    Words: 90
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 851
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 628



    Description:
       I have a fascination with prison and wordplay.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPicture Thisdots
    -------------------------------------------



    life in an 8 by 10
    movement within but solid walls
    bars where nobody drinks
    fingers slip between and eyes glance
    down austere halls

    life in a cell
    with more than protons and neutrons
    watching others leave
    the sentence is written
    and the conviction is unquestioned

    breaks inbetween but the 8 by 10 is where
    life takes place, most of the time
    the fences outside arent the only thing
    keeping them in

    yeah, time keeps going
    and crime does too
    life sucks
    expire, it's through




    Submitted on 2006-09-13 16:16:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      In the first place, what draws me into your page is your name "wolverine".
    About the poem, the title commands the reader and all of a sudden it gives you the idea on what you're gonna get. So I think it was perfect for the piece. And the lines did not disappoint me at all. This is a snapshot on one's life, the feeling contained is expressed very well. " life in the cell" that was just great.

    I wish I have more constructive to say but this is well-written.
    Good job here;-)

    Jen
    | Posted on 2012-09-25 00:00:00 | by jeniecel | [ Reply to This ]
      "The Wolverine" heh you have such a badass name.

    Anyway, the piece: I liked your third line "bars where nobody drinks". Though I have heard it before, I can't help but acknowledge it as a brilliant line.

    Overall, you depressed me. :( Not in a bad way, you put me right where I was identifying with a situation I have never been in. THAT takes talent. You continue to take simple things and turn it into a work or art for me.

    I have enjoyed everything I have read from you so far, so please: KEEP WRITING!

    god bless
    | Posted on 2008-12-14 00:00:00 | by Celeste J. Bell | [ Reply to This ]
      very interesting approach. Loved the different examples of things that held you in, away from life.

    "Bars where nobody drinks"-favorite line. it relates to the outside world. the one you cant reach. reiterates feeling of containment.

    good write, continue to use such strong comparisons
    | Posted on 2008-10-01 00:00:00 | by oolalaoo33 | [ Reply to This ]
      can't really say that i know what thats like, but your write really put me there. i feel trapped in my own life. is that what you're really talking about. thats what i really like about this. it can be used in the literal sense, and just about any way you want it to be. very flexible, and an awsome write
    | Posted on 2006-09-14 00:00:00 | by ladinyte | [ Reply to This ]
      wow that was really nifty. All the wordplay on bars and cells, so neat. :) I like how you repeated 8 by 10, it kept you remembering the gest of the poem and how it really is. Really good poem, so interesting.

    Meg
    | Posted on 2006-09-13 00:00:00 | by dreamer37517 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    117931

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Bond written by saartha
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    To written by SavedDragon
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Incubus written by monad
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Push written by JanePlane
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    untitled written by Chelebel
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry