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    dots Submission Name: Genesisdots

    Author: The Wolverine
    ASL Info:    23/M/MA
    Elite Ratio:    4.51 - 74/137/91
    Words: 133
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 758
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 835


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    feeling quite creative
    and did he ever create
    but the state of the creation
    a planet plagued with the infection
    of thrid world nations
    made him think

    he watched the land rise from the sea
    and begin to sink
    the ever-changing canvas caught his eye
    the millenia flew by
    and man emerged

    he purged his own for power
    and before two gazing eyes
    lost it all within and hour

    our time is a spot of ketchup on a white shirt
    that is almost immediately wiped off
    but can sometimes leave a stain
    a memory of the meal eaten

    and as he rose from the potter's wheel
    and washed his hands of clay
    gave a glance at the falling sun on his way to bed
    it was the seventh day.

    Submitted on 2006-09-13 16:17:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      this is delightfully original and has some very cool ideas about god and all :)

    i enjoyed the image of god being at a potters wheel and casually noticing it was the seventh day on his way to bed.

    i agree with nomad that the analogy of the ketchup stain on the shirt is interesting. my opinion takes departure from his there, as i think it is an apt (if cynical) description of our time here :)

    some points to offer, minor tidies -
    1. thrid: third
    2. within and hour: within an hour
    3. perhaps adding punctuation into the first stanza, or using additional line spacing to break up the different points would be more effective?

    thanks for sharing your thoughts -
    | Posted on 2009-01-18 00:00:00 | by biska | [ Reply to This ]
      This caught my eye since i am studying the book of Genesis for a philosophy class. I found your description of "our time" as a blot of katchup on a white shirt, rather intresting. That whole stanza is somewhat odd. From what i understand you are conveying that man is, or rather become a undesirable and insignificant piece of of a much larger reality of god's creation. i admit that compareing the memory of humanity to a stain on a white shirt (if that was your intention), is pretty origional. But it seems, rather off beat from the rest of this poem. well prehaps it is not, but regardless it's a odd and off beat analogy.
    | Posted on 2006-09-14 00:00:00 | by nomad knight | [ Reply to This ]

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