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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: *Engulfed In Betrayaldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Caotic_Disaster
    ASL Info:    16/F/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    4.03 - 447/349/148
    Words: 91
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 795
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 603



    Description:
       i guess this is kind of a follow up of "*Why?"....i need help with a title though so if u have any suggestions go ahead and dont hesitate to help out thanx


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots*Engulfed In Betrayaldots
    -------------------------------------------


    You're with me,
    But you love her.
    You won't tell me.
    But I know,
    People talk.
    Will you ever tell me,
    How you really feel?
    Is our relationship
    Based on a lie?
    I tell you everything,
    You tell me what you think I want to hear.
    Does that seem fair to you?
    Don't protect me,
    I can take care of myself!
    I did before you came along
    And I can after!
    I can't stand it!
    My life can't be built on a lie!
    I can't live like this anymore!
    It's over.




    Submitted on 2006-09-13 16:31:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      intersesting shelby. Dan lover. you need a title. Call it To Dan. lol.
    DonkeyMan
    | Posted on 2006-09-25 00:00:00 | by DonkeyMan | [ Reply to This ]
      Good point here. I am glad that you showed you charters strenght rather than weekness. You had the relationship end when it needed too. Most of the time a person can see it but is not strong enough to take the step and let go.

    Nice Job,

    Monica
    | Posted on 2006-09-24 00:00:00 | by mon28 | [ Reply to This ]
      Some nice rhythm to this. You don't have to rhyme and I would prefer this kind of writing to "rumtitimtitum" Then, again, the rhyming doe not have to be absolutely rhythmical does it? Another commenter picked up on "It's Over" so that might be a title for you. Donald
    | Posted on 2006-09-22 00:00:00 | by siradrian | [ Reply to This ]
      that hurts me just to read this. not quite, but im somewhat in the same boat. i just don't know if im being lied to , or what. i can see that you have strenght, when u said ,..."it's over" i have no strength for that. i admire you
    | Posted on 2006-09-14 00:00:00 | by ladinyte | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice poem. It's got feeling, emotion and power. Good work. A rhyme schem would make it more complete though....
    | Posted on 2006-09-13 00:00:00 | by riki_nl | [ Reply to This ]


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