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    dots Submission Name: untitleddots

    Author: The Wolverine
    ASL Info:    23/M/MA
    Elite Ratio:    4.51 - 74/137/91
    Words: 114
    Class/Type: Poetry/Being a Teen
    Total Views: 784
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 706

       drug poetry

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    and it seems a little brighter when the sun's going down
    feels like we can do anything in this small town
    for a few minutes as hands pass the light
    the air was a bit sweeter, it all burned a bit brighter

    they climbed and climbed and
    for everyone the view was different
    some focused on the edge and looked down in fear
    while others stepped boldly onto invisible stairs

    when they came back down the sun had set
    and everything seemed the same

    the torch is passed as
    the first ray of dawn
    and last ray of twilight meet

    and for a while longer
    everything burned a bit brighter.

    Submitted on 2006-09-13 17:07:13     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      An interesting read.

    This line stuck out:
    "And it seems a little brighter when the sun's going down"

    Maybe because I prefer the night, and it seems better in the dark. Perhaps you meant it to mean that it was something to look forward to.

    "Others stepped boldly onto invisible stairs"

    This line sounded as if they were committing suicide.

    The only thing that distracted me from the piece was the format. A few errors here and there, where words should be capitalized.
    | Posted on 2006-09-14 00:00:00 | by theDevilsPocket | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like this, I don't know why it hasn't gotten any comments yet.
    I live in a small town so I get what you're talking about.
    I think this is actually one for the favourites.
    Keep Writing.
    Your words are just ((wow))
    | Posted on 2006-09-14 00:00:00 | by painofthanatos | [ Reply to This ]

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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
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