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of what once was
fangs of today
the other self
in dark dismay.
| I like the time you've taken to tease out the obvious meter you've chosen to employ here. It makes it 'gallop', for want of a better description, making the reader fairly skip along with you. |
After "fangs of today" your rhythm was spotless. However, two words in the previous parts stuck out to me: "appendages" and "accoutrements"-- maybe you may want to rethink the sonics, the syllabic rhythms here... chop it down a syllable perhaps, or play with the syntax slightly? Not sure, but you get what I mean, right? Just my two cents.
"Ventriloquating" is pretty cool by the way.
And yea, I think you're starting to grasp something different for yourself here... it's great to see.
|| Posted on 2006-09-15 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ] |