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    dots Submission Name: *My Lips Are Sealeddots

    Author: Caotic_Disaster
    ASL Info:    16/F/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    4.03 - 447/349/148
    Words: 81
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 594
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 585


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots*My Lips Are Sealeddots

    Your secret's out
    My heart exploded
    The flame has been kindled
    Swelling more and more with every passing second

    Then you showed up
    My plans to humiliate you dissolved
    The fire and anger extinguished
    My heart melted
    It befalls everytime

    I can't overcome your stigma
    But my mouth is glued shut
    The syllables won't come out

    You need to be told
    But I'm mute
    If only my volcano of anger would erupt
    But unfortuntely
    My lips are sealed

    Submitted on 2006-09-14 14:12:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      indeed, i agree with obsidian. nothing personal, but you started to sound like edgar allen poe a bit.

    what? he was one of the greatest writers of all time tho!

    TRUE because he wrote the most haunting tales and stories that are still read and plague the dreams of CHILDREN today...

    but as far as anything else poetic, Poe was absolutely horrific, his diction was atrocious, and alliteration? what alliteration? lol.

    this was a more simplistic piece for you, having skimmed your others, i saw this in my fav's and never recalled having commented on this.

    just needs a rewrite. i have poems i haven't posted on here in 3 years for the same reason, its bad for pr and gp, and personally...i'm not famous, so those aren't things i can afford to throw away .

    it just seems to readers, especially those new to your works as though you don't care enough about your craft to put the effort into its composition to come out with a decent product, when that's not the case at all...

    and like i said ive read a few of your other...c'mon now . i look forward to you standing up and taking charge in your next write.

    Loquacious Mind
    | Posted on 2006-09-18 00:00:00 | by Loquacious Mind | [ Reply to This ]
      Poor Syntac and spelling.

    your others are quite a bit stronger, and this piece could use a serious re-write and a few fix me ups here and there. in itself its not a bad idea but how its presented was sloppy, sorry.
    | Posted on 2006-09-14 00:00:00 | by obsidiandreams | [ Reply to This ]

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