indeed, i agree with obsidian. nothing personal, but you started to sound like edgar allen poe a bit.
what? he was one of the greatest writers of all time tho!
TRUE because he wrote the most haunting tales and stories that are still read and plague the dreams of CHILDREN today...
but as far as anything else poetic, Poe was absolutely horrific, his diction was atrocious, and alliteration? what alliteration? lol.
this was a more simplistic piece for you, having skimmed your others, i saw this in my fav's and never recalled having commented on this.
just needs a rewrite. i have poems i haven't posted on here in 3 years for the same reason, its bad for pr and gp, and personally...i'm not famous, so those aren't things i can afford to throw away .
it just seems to readers, especially those new to your works as though you don't care enough about your craft to put the effort into its composition to come out with a decent product, when that's not the case at all...
and like i said ive read a few of your other...c'mon now . i look forward to you standing up and taking charge in your next write.