Call 4 666 by His goth child

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Submission Name: Call 4 666 dots

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Author:	His goth child
ASL Info:	15/male/Loserville
Elite Ratio:	3.29 - 82/79/45
Words:	77

Class/Type:	Poetry/Depressed
Total Views:	986
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	490

Description:

Call 4 666 dots

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This is Coel
I can't come to the phone,
I'm having a mental break right now;
Leave me a message
If I don't get back to you tonight,
I will when I'm feeling better;
If you don't see me at school on Monday,
I cut to deep;
Don't worry bout coming to my funeral,
You never cared about me anyways;
The weather may not be perfect in heaven
But it's ok, i always liked the rain anyways

Submitted on 2006-09-14 22:12:48 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Hm...
Could use some work but I like the idea.
I like the title too....
Call for 666...
Creative.
I love titles.. and to be hinest i write all my titles before I write the poem, instead of naming them after. Good Job.

necrotic
| Posted on 2006-10-22 00:00:00 | by necrotic | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow, Damn! this is really good. Its very ummm original way of writing about something that i'm sure pretty much everybody here writes about, you kinda put your own spin on it and it worked really good. First, I love it how you put it as an answering maching, very original and its brilliant and really brings out the emotion but in a different way, I really like the way you wrote it. The ending is just great, it's sad but filled with some hope, I loved these last lines

"The weather may not be perfect in heaven
But it's ok, i always liked the rain anyways"

Its so good because i think it shows just how frustrated you are on this planet that even if the next life sucks, it'll be better than here. But i do agree with theDevilsPocket that i don't think you'd go to heaven if you commit suicide, so don't do it!!!! Ok, Yah, this was brilliant and I'm definately adding this to my favs.
peace
| Posted on 2006-09-28 00:00:00 | by Faith_Disease | [ Reply to This ]
  Yet another poem i love.
It's so deep.
Cutting is something that so many writers write about...simply because it's so easy to follow the crowd. You broke out to write about something so common, yet you made it your own. That's awesome...not alot of writers can change something like that so uniquely.

Such an interesting take on it.
ANother fave, mmhmm

<darkwinged>
| Posted on 2006-09-27 00:00:00 | by darkwinged | [ Reply to This ]
  This is deep
This is a perfect expression of your inner most feelings to those of your so called friends who are only friends in name
I have had these friends many times in life
It truly is sad how someone you cared and Loved can stab you in the back at the time you needed them most
I have to admit I am surprised by how easy it is for you to let out your emotions in write
That isnt easy for a young teenager to do
And you do it quite easily
Great Job!!!
God Bless
Ron
| Posted on 2006-09-26 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
  That's some message you got there!
I enjoyed it. And frankly, I’m not sure as to why
You haven’t received any comments about it yet.

One thing I might want to make a correction to
You wrote:
“The weather may not be perfect in heaven
but its ok, I always liked the rain anyways”

1st you may want to change it’s to its.
And 2nd if you committed suicide because
You “cut too deep”, do you honestly
Believe that you would go to heaven?

Also concerning your screen name, whose Goth child might you be?
| Posted on 2006-09-15 00:00:00 | by theDevilsPocket | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
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5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece? 7. What was unclear?
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9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?

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Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3 It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.