Affection's Wretchedness by BCute

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Submission Name: Affection's Wretchedness dots

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Author:	BCute
ASL Info:	23/F/MO
Elite Ratio:	3.79 - 1295/1417/363
Words:	88

Class/Type:	Poetry/
Total Views:	185
Average Vote:	4.0000
Bytes:	616

Description:
Ok. The first letter of EACH line is a word. And, the last WORD of each line read from up to down states something in itself. So, basically the first part of each line states something. And, the last part of each line states something, Reading from up to down. Think you can figure it out?

Affection's Wretchedness dots

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I linger, hesitantly, crying in memories,
Tenderly, allowing my heart to grasp.

Hearing it’s quickening, aching almost unpleasantly,
Untying furls of ice slowly.
Rendering me prone as they imbed,
Touching parts of the heart, leaving,
So much left to be discovered, frightening me.

To remember those times I knew you were lying,
Opens my soul to a new dose of hurting.

Causing pain and loss of beautiful innocence,
Realizing my heart has been forever ripped,
Yelling at the demons to finally go away.

Submitted on 2006-09-15 01:47:10 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  I like how this reads as more than one poem, but they harmonize(sp) so they read as almost the same. This sounds like you've been through some painful times, I'm sorry for that. I think this is a beautiful poem, and I like how you wrote of your pain without sounding overly angsty or whiney. This is a very good write, and I look forword to reading more of what you have here.
| Posted on 2006-09-29 00:00:00 | by RumnMoxie | [ Reply to This ]
  Your very smart and I did get what you were saying both ways. First letter and last word.
The poem over all was breath taking.
Kelley Frost
| Posted on 2006-09-28 00:00:00 | by whendt | [ Reply to This ]
  Your very smart and I did get what you were saying both ways. First letter and last word.
The poem over all was breath taking.
Kelley Frost
| Posted on 2006-09-28 00:00:00 | by whendt | [ Reply to This ]
  Your very smart and I did get what you were saying both ways. First letter and last word.
The poem over all was breath taking.
Kelley Frost
| Posted on 2006-09-28 00:00:00 | by whendt | [ Reply to This ]
  i really like the amount of emotion, maybe because i am used to writings full of emotion. i find this poem extremely sad, but i know that writing for me helps get the sadness out. I think you captured the situation/experience perfectly. i love how you end just by yelling for the demons to go away. it leaves the reader wondering what actually happened after you wrote this. do you feel any better now? that was the last feeling i got was i pray that she feels better soon :-D
| Posted on 2006-09-25 00:00:00 | by OrangeWithWhite | [ Reply to This ]
  Nice work with the acrostics, and the ending words are done well too. I imagine it wasn't easy to pull of... but you did it.
This is a sad piece, filled with heartbreak.. but it doesn't overwhelm, like some do. It's done within reason and still gets the point across.

"I linger, hesitantly, crying in memories," - nice start.. and you carry it through to the end, with a touch of class.

| Posted on 2006-09-15 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
  Here goes. I told you that I liked the creativeness in the piece, this was before I had read the poem in its entirety. Memories leaving little things lingering and those little things hurt more then the big picture itself. Because those little things are what you are going to be continually reminded of. People say it's the small things that count, because it is. What do you remember in the end? A rose on a pillow case, put there for no reason at all, just to say "I love you.". I know I would remember that longer then I would remember the date and movie.

This piece is...heartbreaking. Memories should be filled with happiness not hurt. The hardest memories to forget are the ones you most want to forget. I wish there was something I could do to ease this pain that was placed upon you.
When you shut off all emotion you are hurting yourself even more, because you aren't letting in the good emotions either. Happiness and love are emotions. Where would we be without those? I know where I'd be....and that's something I'd rather not think about.

I'm sorry...I started rambling. Hang in there. And good job.

Bon
| Posted on 2006-09-15 00:00:00 | by Krazy | [ Reply to This ]
  I'm not a fan of acrostic, it's often cheap and overdone. Dry and tasteless, but you and Doh have changed my opinion tonight. This poem reflects a personal tragedy you have suffered that I am aware fo but that aside, it's still an emotion piece, one others can relate to, with a common pain or message to hold onto.

I'd have to say, aside from some common words used throughout, where better imagery could have been implemented, this is one of your better writes; and definately the best I've read. See what editing can a little effort put together can forge. I did say your writing was not my style, but this piece I'll make an exception.

Good execution, good writing skills used, I'm proud. Keep going on this way, I can only imagine the leaps and bounds you'll take and who knows, you may yet become one ofthe elitest of the elite! Regardless, this poem was a pleasant read, and I'm sure many of the female members will enjoy it much more than I ever could.

Thanks for sharing, take care!
Ad Libitum
| Posted on 2006-09-15 00:00:00 | by ad libitum | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow...*added to favorites*

This was just beautiful. The emotion seeps out from every line....and...wow.

I also like how you took the concept of the acrostic and applied it to the words at the end of the lines. Very good! Very creative!

I have absolutely nothing else I could possibly say about this write. It is beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. Thank you for sharing....

~Doh
| Posted on 2006-09-15 00:00:00 | by rememberplaydoh | [ Reply to This ]
  Hey ya,
Wow, what a feeling of saddness. But expressed in a hauntingly beautiful way. the last stanza was my favourite as it showed a glimpse of the strength gained from all that hurt in telling the demons to 'finally go away'. Nice job.

Marcus.
| Posted on 2006-09-17 00:00:00 | by Marcusj | [ Reply to This ]

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