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    dots Submission Name: untitleddots

    Author: Cherub Winter
    ASL Info:    21/m/IL
    Elite Ratio:    3.31 - 17/20/11
    Words: 207
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 859
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1248


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    What will become of the whispers,
    Or the words I was not brave enough to say?
    Maybe the wind misguided them
    A misdirection, and turned the other way
    I think it hurt me more
    To watch the rivers from your eyes
    That instead of saying goodnight
    Tonight, we'll say our goodbyes
    A part of me buckled tonight
    When you told me that you love him
    Because you told me the same
    Over and over, again again

    Maybe I could look you face to face
    Tell the story "What ever makes you happy, makes me happy"

    But as I turned and walked away
    A part of me died that night
    I am now forever cold and silence
    With no love left to give, I turned to violence
    The loner, the outsider
    The man who fights for no flag
    But never the less I keep fighting
    Wars I cannot win, demons I cannot slay
    The same battles everyday
    But i wear thin, with no woman's touch
    For hers inspired the strength of many in me
    Lesson learned, as soothing a touch as hers
    Calms the fire that burns in us all
    I know now it was just me all along
    She takes to no flag

    Submitted on 2006-09-15 02:05:24     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      i can almost relate to this one, except i was the one who said goodbye, not that i loved someone else, cuz there was no one...but yeah
    i didn't feel as much rhyming in the second part after the middle two lines, but the first was really great!
    i can almost relate to this...
    good write
    i would try to work on the rhyming a bit
    and in the last line, first stanza/verse :
    "Over and over, again again"
    should there be the word"and" between the two "again"

    | Posted on 2007-08-07 00:00:00 | by IsabellaAurora | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked this poem alot...the middle two lines are a bit of a flow stopper but they fit ... I love the first four lines you set the mood for the poem perfectly with them...lots of people will critique that it didnt rhyme but i strongly feel poetry is emotion and while some drips out of people with a rhyming flow that would make the best of them green with envy others say what they mean in lines so touching that they dont need the balance of a rhyme....i feel you succeded in that with your poem....

    | Posted on 2006-09-15 00:00:00 | by Amanda Lynn | [ Reply to This ]

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