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    dots Submission Name: without meaningdots

    Author: orpheus
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 188/165/57
    Words: 192
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Misc
    Total Views: 1076
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1236


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotswithout meaningdots

    i live in the land of sin
    where money earns power {thats their way}
    and they milk you fa free
    cause the honey's turned sour {these are the days}

    Bleeding my poetry outa swollen lips
    wishing my soul was free in the moment that i've spoken this
    depleated of energy
    defeated, the meaning is lost, as i breathe in the melody
    Serenity prayer's on the tip of my tounge
    in my enemies lair my life held in the grip of his gun
    and the rhythm that you feelin is the beat of my heart
    in my throat, cause you know that i can't see in the dark
    the severity increases
    as prosperity decreases
    but the pain fluctuation is ceaseless
    adrenaline releases into my bloodstream flowing
    as my skeleton siezes
    starin into the faces of the devil and his deamons
    knowing with the upmost certainty
    they gon' murder me
    thinkin that while they talkin in a drunken slur
    in my minds eye i see the sky line of London burn
    reminisions of Nero's Rome
    repititions of a lost hero's poem
    written on the airwaves
    blarin on your sterio....

    Submitted on 2006-09-15 09:13:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      ORPHIE!! get on writerscafe.org

    we need more beasts!! lol

    good write, u know im always ape [censored] for ur raps.

    | Posted on 2006-09-25 00:00:00 | by Aknahlij_d 1 | [ Reply to This ]
      i liked this one but it didn't have the impact on me that most of ur other writes have. i don't know why. anyway keep writing. u should post more so i'll have more good stuff to read
    | Posted on 2006-09-16 00:00:00 | by unknown soldier | [ Reply to This ]
      the only thing i can agree with Gadfly on is that you need to fix the spelling errors. the ones you made however, are typical. tip: proofread. as far as grammatical errors go, that's urban. that's prolly just how you talk. you should write the way you speak. unless it's formal writing, which in that case, is named for what it is, formal. but i love this. this flows so well and the message is true. i opened this thinking, with a name like orpheus, this poem had better be great. and it is. you live up to your alias.
    | Posted on 2006-09-15 00:00:00 | by narcolepsy | [ Reply to This ]
      Aside from spelling errors and grammatical fixes, I really liked the message of this song. It does not seem to have a chorus, though, which would help the reader come back to your main idea in the piece.

    Great imagery.
    | Posted on 2006-09-15 00:00:00 | by The Gadfly | [ Reply to This ]

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