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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: basement moviesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: graeme
    ASL Info:    33/M/Maple Ridge B.C. Can
    Elite Ratio:    3.42 - 26/43/19
    Words: 144
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Love
    Total Views: 978
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1008



    Description:
       a song for my wife, too sentimental? too icky? too lame? what are your thoughts?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsbasement moviesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    i come downstairs
    to where you wait
    under the covers
    a perfect state and

    those are the longest stairs ever
    those are the perfect times together

    i change the channel
    find a scary movie
    hold you tight
    keep you by me

    those of the best films ever
    those are the perfect times together

    i hold you close
    when the film ends
    kiss your lips
    smell you sweet scent

    that is the best smell ever
    those are the perfect times together

    i can't remember
    before you were here
    it wasn't me
    you make me whole dear

    that is the best feeling ever
    these are the perfect times together

    tomorrow we'll sit
    watching tv
    the same old film
    but your still beside me

    that'll be the best time ever
    that'll be the perfect time together




    Submitted on 2006-09-15 14:34:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      good thoughts and sequence but a little tightening on the words will coalesce. The chorus should not change in its words until the point of bridge .
    Same words in a refrain makes for easy recall .
    work on rewording and I think you'll have a hit.
    | Posted on 2006-09-15 00:00:00 | by realpoet | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, some love songs need to be - what was it? - sentimental in order to be felt by the writer. Same thing goes when sometimes... there is no better word for love than love.

    I think that this would work better with a soft stripped down melody. So that you could easily get the audience involved with the lyrics.

    Just a thought.
    | Posted on 2006-09-15 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]


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