Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

blood-stained vanity


Author: silent_death12
Elite Ratio:    7.94 - 1739 /805 /135
Words: 242
Class/Type: Poetry /What you did
Total Views: 2034
Average Vote:    5.0000
Bytes: 1561



Description:


OK please please please don't tell me how cliché this is!! I know, hence me telling you now. ok other then that go crazy wrote this like aug.28 and just found it.....still about the same person it'd be about if I wrote it now tho....*sighs* yep okay I'm done....
~~jess
--and I kinda stole L13 from the used song 'burried myself alive'


blood-stained vanity



empty vessels of useless spite;
human emotions wasted on an ordinary life,
vacant glares laced with limitless hate,
we can't destroy that which we did not create.
still holding animosity towards every contradiction,
creating chaos against what we won't embrace.

I stay inside the lines;
for lack of reason not to,
I'm capable of breaking through...
but do I still even want to?
No one wants to hear another view,
no desire to let these lines fall askew.

I think the chains broke away,
when we lost faith in our doubt.
and I was finally ready,
to admit you were on my mind,
but when I ran in search of your name
I couldn't find you there;
waiting for far too long...
only to walk away alone,
leaving behind a faded signature,
maybe you won't forget again?
or was I just the memory,
you tried forever to forget?
was I just the silent vow,
that you haven't spoken yet?
would you answer if I begged you to,
and what would that really mean?
will it always be that you wanted,
to forget me within that dream?
and I wonder if you would hate me;
just so you could let me go...
and would it make me crazy,
if I held on forever even so?
why should I walk this path alone,
"it doesn't have to be so meaningless"
when I just need you here to make this right?




Submitted on 2006-09-15 20:49:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  this is very good. I think that you used the perfect vocabulary to develop your poem and overall, it is superb. lol i never use that word, but i really liked it.



| Posted on 2006-11-30 00:00:00 | by itsjustme22 | [ Reply to This ]
  Mhm mhm, I'm definately adding this to my favorites. -Nods head really fast.-
| Posted on 2006-10-22 00:00:00 | by brokenxheartedx | [ Reply to This ]
  "we can't destroy that which we did not create." that's straight outta slipknot song(can't remember which one). but this is an emotional write. i certainly hope you reconciled with whomever this was inspired by; espcially if that individual didn't really do anything; or even if they did. i understand what you're saying; very well; but know that no one person can ALWAYS be there; despite wants and necessities'. as usual with you; great write; wonderful vocab, and strong images. so, how much would you charge as a tutor? all i can say is this; GREAT JOB!!!
| Posted on 2006-09-16 00:00:00 | by dismentled | [ Reply to This ]
  If I were that person,gosh, I'd really rethink of my relationship with you. I see you really have a strong foundation to bind that which is lost so as to discover what portion of love is missing. There definitely something not right with how you approach that person. No one wants mushy all of a sudden,that comes later when knowledge of knowing what a person is all about No one wants a gossip monger to pal around with. Lasting relationships are founded on trust of confidentiality. If the person you like,(eh,love) has a fault don't try to retrain but gently lead that person towards improvement. I could go on and on but I think you hae grasped my mean.
| Posted on 2006-09-15 00:00:00 | by realpoet | [ Reply to This ]
  grats hun, you made me sad, good write I enjoyed reading quite a bit and I cant really completlement you on much as you are perfect in every area ive seen in most writes.

I will take a few lines.


"I stay inside the lines;
for lack of reason not to"

This to me shows hatred towards what you havent felt and havent been able to touch and without a reason, (to yourself) you hide from what is not known?


"I think the chains broke away,
when we lost faith in our doubt.
and I was finally ready,
to admit you were on my mind,
but when I ran in search of your name
I couldn't find you there;"


Talk about taking words outta my mouth about my ex :( well firstly it gives the feeling of depression amidst paranoia(dunno if I spelt that right) and secondly it states that you are lonely and wanting a companion to cherish to hold to love or anything else.

Id take it more into detail but I have a movie to watch so ttyl hun.
| Posted on 2006-09-15 00:00:00 | by obsidiandreams | [ Reply to This ]
  Jess
This is an interesting write from you
I take this almost as a write longing for the return of someone who meant a lot to you
If that is so I hope you are able to make amends with this person
The 2nd stanza really hit home to me
Excellent job
God Bless
Ron

Please keep in touch!!!
| Posted on 2006-09-15 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
  WOW that was awsome! i really like it i thought it flowed nicley. It was very strong LOVED IT!!! well once again awsome job as always lol!
XOXOXO lol maddie....
| Posted on 2006-10-07 00:00:00 | by BarleyBreathing | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



118295