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    dots Submission Name: Clocks tick bydots

    Author: LadyMerlina
    ASL Info:    24/ F/ Montreal
    Elite Ratio:    3.07 - 60/93/58
    Words: 78
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 470
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 489


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsClocks tick bydots

    Sobriety makes time stop and slow
    Like you're ready, on your mark
    but never prepared to fully let go.

    Suspended in time, clocks ticks by
    Like so many chances left to rot and die

    I wish time went by fast
    So I could speed through this day, the next
    And onthrough my last.

    I blur out the truth rapidly
    Ignoring its core and
    Grazing the surface lightly
    My soul is scarred and still sore

    Submitted on 2006-09-16 13:42:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      The idea is original, in fact I myself have a certain obsession with time and I mention it in my poems quite often but not like this. Your rhyming is flawless in combination to the imagery it make this poem a very good piece.
    | Posted on 2006-09-29 00:00:00 | by Porcelaine | [ Reply to This ]
      If you take some time to examine the beats in each line and look at the patterns I'm sure you will find that this poem is not symmetrical. If you remedy that then the form will do a lot of the work for you and give this a more sophisticated feel. I think that's the major problem with this piece (along with the phrase "rot and die") Like the previous reader I liked the ideas contained within and do see merit and potential. This one could turn out rather well.

    | Posted on 2006-09-17 00:00:00 | by Leinad Wolrab | [ Reply to This ]
      your ideas are great and i get what u mean but i get this very teenage feeling about this poem. i can't say i honestly like this poem or that it is any good at this stage but it's the poem of somone who has a lot of potential and it's still quite young
    | Posted on 2006-09-16 00:00:00 | by neonlights | [ Reply to This ]

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