Bountiful Nature by Ramneet

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Submission Name: Bountiful Nature dots

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Author:	Ramneet
ASL Info:	33/F/Boston
Elite Ratio:	2.95 - 270/107/55
Words:	121

Class/Type:	Misc/Misc
Total Views:	1425
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	829

Description:
I am looking for real critical analysis of my poems so that i can improve my skills.In this poem whatever i have written are my real deep felt feelings about God,man and life.

Bountiful Nature dots

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Under the aegis of bountiful nature and
prudent creator,
there is blithe, gaiety and joy.
Balmy breeze, snow on the mountains, burgeon
of flowers, chirping of birds, murmuring of
the brook, beauty of sunrise and sunset.
All creation of the Divine.

Man-The greatest creation of the Divine.
His special messenger.
Benediction of Almighty.
Originates from Him and merges into Him.
Soul, a part of Him.
He prevails everywhere, everydeed and in
every soul.
Man comes and goes.
Changes its role, changes its form.
Becomes a part of universe for a short span.
Soul departs from the body, life ends and
new life advents.

It will persist as eternal aphorism.

Submitted on 2006-09-16 16:48:04 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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||| Comments |||
  This is incisive and delightful! I'm a country boy, and love all poem with attention to nature in them. This is like a Hymn; it is uplifting, philosophical, and just plain beautiful!

Nice work!
| Posted on 2010-06-27 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
  "Balmy breeze, snow on the mountains, burgeon
of flowers, chirping of birds, murmuring of
the brook, beauty of sunrise and sunset.
All creation of the Divine."

There's enough beauty in these lines to paint a masterpiece. I love nature writes and liked how you tied appreciation of nature into the circle of life.

Sharon
| Posted on 2008-04-20 00:00:00 | by Peggy Paris | [ Reply to This ]
  This is beautifully created and I have very few suggestions. I too would have said that the Balmy breeze line needs to be broken up a little. Apart from that, I dont mind the sudden change in tone between the verses however I would say that for me the first verse is written in such a way that it encourages you to ponder the words. Not too choppy. However the second verse I read very quickly and personally I needed to re-read to feel the full impact of your words. i love the descriptive beggining and overall think that you have done a fantastic job....stormy
PS There needs to be a space between every and deed. :)
| Posted on 2007-09-02 00:00:00 | by stormyskies | [ Reply to This ]
  You pointed to the creation as evidence of a Creator and that was good. I think the poem took a misstep when the focus shifted to Man. Here the introspective look at Man pulled the reader's attention away from God entirely, in a transitory reverie.

If you had pointed to Man in need of relationship with God, it might have stayed on course. Instead, it left God without praise, acknowledgement, or even an honorable mention.

Your imagery was very good.

Greg
| Posted on 2007-04-30 00:00:00 | by The Gadfly | [ Reply to This ]
  God's creation is indeed beautiful.. and bountiful.. and too often overlooked by man.. taken for granted. I'm glad to see that you are one who can see the gift that has been given us.
You have witten, in your own words.. a beautiful poem, and ode to our Creator.

maybe break the lines in the right places to make it read and look better. Such as...

"Under the aegis of bountiful nature
and prudent creator,
there is blithe, gaiety and joy.
Balmy breeze, snow on the mountains,
burgeon of flowers, chirping of birds,
murmuring of the brook,
beauty of sunrise and sunset.
All creation of the Divine."- and so on

other than that, I think this is a good poem and one that I enjoyed.
| Posted on 2006-09-16 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
  This My Friend is one heck of a write where you speak great truth
I couldnt have said it better myself
You captured the emotion that one needs in life in order to move forward perfectly
To be perfectly honest I wouldnt change a thing to this write
It is perfect as it is
God Bless
Ron

Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
Thank You
Ron
| Posted on 2006-09-16 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece? 7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?

118391

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Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3 It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.