[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Deepest of Secretsdots

    Author: takenspiritwind
    ASL Info:    21/F/NH
    Elite Ratio:    4.35 - 117/95/38
    Words: 269
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 441
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1742

       It's a bit shakey...and it could use alot of work I know this. This is the poem Hush..so if you want to see it's progress or retrogress take a look and tell me what you think. Add or take out anything. Any help would be appreciated!

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDeepest of Secretsdots

    A Secret
    Love holds the deepest of secrets best kept,
    this secret has watched as many have wept.
    So this secret well kept can hurt one so,
    for many this secret has caused much woe.

    A Mystery
    To know and understand would be so great,
    to solve this mystery would be such fate.
    And fate it must be to cause so much pain,
    to so many however; love is vain.

    The Hurt
    There is this secret she cannot tell,
    protecting her love for him in a shell.
    Her heart had been broken on time before,
    the pai she couldn't endure anymore.

    Broken hearts and feelings of deep remorse,
    time and death are but of one mighty source.
    To stop the pain you must give up your heart,
    but to give up your love you'd fall apart.

    A single regret of mysteries kept,
    wonders of choices where many have wept.
    It becomes a mystery well hidden,
    to know this mystery is forbidden.

    Defeated you were by this simple word,
    you call out forever, but you're unheard.
    This four-letter word you to your grave,
    forever you'll search that short word you crave.

    Still Unknown
    Time is of essence our lives are so short,
    you searched you whole life only to abort.
    So sad it is your time has now run out,
    you have failed and all others have doubt.

    Doubts of life of love, and sincerity,
    of how successful our union will be.
    But deep within the shadows of mistrust,
    the desperate will do as they know they must.

    Submitted on 2006-09-16 21:52:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      at least you tried. this flows well, rhymes well, breathes well. but it's so very cliché.
    | Posted on 2006-09-17 00:00:00 | by narcolepsy | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Carry written by saartha
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Love written by saartha
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    Cover written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    untitled written by ShyOne




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]