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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: THE MONSTERdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: bigrig0625
    ASL Info:    34 M Tx
    Elite Ratio:    2.96 - 40/73/19
    Words: 132
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1115
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 824



    Description:
       Just something I wrote about my schizophrenic side.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTHE MONSTERdots
    -------------------------------------------


    The monster follows in my dreams
    I know he's there with plots and schemes

    Over my shoulder I watch and wait
    While marchig forward tempting fate

    A sunny day I stand alone
    I know he's there his presence known

    Do I run? And will they see?
    This wreched monster chasing me

    I cannot see him. Is he there?
    I feel his cold and empty stare

    I try to hide but cannot find
    One ounce of peace inside my mind

    The more I try to get away
    He chases faster day by day

    Right behind me full of rage
    I clear his path and set his stage

    The monster only you can see
    Who casts his shadow over me



    ~bigrig0625~





    Submitted on 2006-09-17 03:20:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      O.O Monster ho! Monster ho!
    Yours seems to be a little more figurative, Yeah it's something everybody can have and relate to.
    I like the picture.
    Cheers
    Azuire
    P.S. Excuse the shallowness. I'm dead today.
    | Posted on 2006-12-05 00:00:00 | by Azuire | [ Reply to This ]
      I really enjoyed reading this. It kind of reminded me of when your walking down the street, and you are positive someone is following yu and is like going o kill you, and your heart beats faster and faster. That's what it kinda of reminded me of. THnaks.
    ~Caotic~
    | Posted on 2006-10-02 00:00:00 | by Caotic_Disaster | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the way you wrote this, the monster could be almost anything from a problem, a character flaw, an emotional instability, your fears or dreams, very excellent write, too bad no matter what it is you can't run fast enough or far enough, I love it, Dean
    | Posted on 2006-09-20 00:00:00 | by Survivor_Dean | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked the aspect that the monster could be an inner demon. Perhaps a character trait/flaw that predisposes the narrator toward conflict/sabotage/failure. I think it would have been better if the poem matched the picture but since the picture is secondary it doesn't matter too much. I think you could still tighten this piece up a bit with regards to flow but generally it was pretty good. Some creative end-rhymes helped the poem move along. I couldn't get out of the water quick enough!

    LW
    | Posted on 2006-09-17 00:00:00 | by Leinad Wolrab | [ Reply to This ]
      i like this, i think most of us have some kind of 'monster' we're trying to run from. i like how you describe that it's always there but can't be seen. many ppl can relate to that feeling a wee bit, at least.
    nice work,
    whirl**
    | Posted on 2006-09-17 00:00:00 | by whirl | [ Reply to This ]
      This is very good even as it is, but asuming that maybe it can be metaphorical it gets even better. Say, if the monster that follows you everywhere stalking could be your worst fear, just something you're running from that materialises as a monster. Am I being a psychiatrist here? Oops. No really, it's good.
    | Posted on 2006-09-17 00:00:00 | by Porcelaine | [ Reply to This ]


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