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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Purple Catdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: WriterX
    ASL Info:    18/Male/Poland
    Elite Ratio:    3.59 - 68/125/82
    Words: 841
    Class/Type: Story/Misc
    Total Views: 121
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 4880



    Description:
       Enjoy this small piece of writing... I enjoyed writing it, maybe you will enjoy reading it...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Purple Catdots
    -------------------------------------------



    Andrew as always on Friday Night, sat in his usual seat, in the club he spent most of his free time. The so called "Purple Cat" was a luxurious club, where membership was a wallet full of dollars and a will to spend them. There was a place for drinkers, filled up with drinks from all over the world. Those illegal and legal, from a farmer's hut in Poland and those from a rich winery in France. The music was always both live and wild. Every time you entered the Purple Cat you would be hit by a wave of uncomprehensible tones and words which together created such a storm in your head that you could not leave until completely drunk, exhausted or flat-broke.

    But this place, which would be called by any reasonable preacher the "Devil's Den" was a place where people, like Andrew, could find the seemingly hardest thing to get. Women. But not prostitutes, a respecting club like this would not fall so low. Here there were: "Company Ladies", "Friendly lasses" and (although it usually gave away everything, and was meant for the higher "ranking members") "Pussy Cats". But the really hard thing to ger here were women for which you did not have to pay... not the counting the price for a few drinks or perhaps a packet of cigarettes.

    Unfortunately, this time Andrew would not meet his target. Most of the people were isolated, not that mattered too much because he could always "Steal" somebodies love (there is always a way). Even freshly married "Youngsters" could fall into his hands, leaving their men startled and confused.

    Some would call him a monster, perhaps for a good reason. But as mothers tell their children "You have to find something to do in life.". They never specify what exactly, which allowed Andrew such a "lovely" choice. Maybe he was forged and created to become what he is now. But thinking about destiny, genetics or psychology should be left to people who, unlikely Andrew, don't know what to do with their free time.

    A new song has just started. Another unknown title and everyone left their seats to join the mayhem and once again damage the careful balance of Order and Chaos.
    "No Booty today." Andrew realized finally. But just as he stood up he noticed one of those girls that tend to look a second too long at you and are too slow to turn their heads back on time.

    She sat alone at a two seat table. A coincidence? Perhaps... or maybe she just wanted to meet him, so badly that she planned this all over. Andrew took the seemingly invisible bait. He walked up to the table and gestured to the empty seat.
    "Free?" he asked sending a smile straight to her eyes. She only nodded and Andrew sat down in his usual fashion. Quickly so that nobody can change their mind, but not too violently so that she does not run away. The table itself, apart from the normal decorations was empty. Andrew signaled for a waitress, and when one of them came closer Andrew widened his smile, so that the lights could freely reflect from his snow white teeth. Andrew with a small "swirl" with his finger stated "Whiskey with ice.". Then he turned to the girl. "And what would...?"
    "Vodka." whispered the girl. Andrew was slightly shocked by her choice. Such a strong drink , in a place like this meant one thing, trouble. He wanted to stand up and retreat to a safer table but loud steps and shouts from behind him made him realize that it was already too late.

    The wild huffing and puffing of a two-meter sports man who stood like an elephant over an ant was like a start of a chain reaction.
    "So this is the jerk you meet with?!" he growled, although it sounded more like a rumble of an old car. The girl looked up at him and hesitation appeared on her face. Andrew foolishly stood up and started to speak.
    "I think you are mistaken s..." and a sudden punch made him stop. Andrew thought he flew around the world twice before landing in the bar, knocking down all glass objects on his way. He grabbed his face and felt great pain in the nose, eyes and head. He tried to look up and find the man, which was not hard because he charged straight at him. It took only a few moments to repeat the strange experience. Finally, after being used as a log to smash the Bar mirror Andrew frowned and tried to see what was lying around him. A fight has started in the whole club, and by some strange luck he found a bottle, not broken one, lying next to him. After opening it and taking two deep mouth fulls of the unknown liquid Andrew stated the thing most people would say after a fight in the Purple Cat.
    "Just another day..."




    Submitted on 2006-09-17 14:28:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Hmm...

    Well, I thought this was an interesting little work...not a typical ES short story...which is fine, because variety is a good thing.

    I found a couple of spelling errors near the beginning....

    "Every time you entered the Purple Cat you would be hit by a wave of uncomprehensible tones..." - Should be "incomprehensible" (uncomprehensible isn't a word )

    "But the really hard thing to ger here were women for which you did not have to pay... " - "ger" should be "get" and (for grammar's sake) "were" should be "was"

    "But as mothers tell their children "You have to find something to do in life.". They never specify what exactly," - I'm pretty sure that the punctuation should just be "...to do in life." They never..."

    "But thinking about destiny, genetics or psychology should be left to people who, unlikely Andrew, don't know what to do with their free time." - "left to people who, UNLIKE Andrew, don't..."

    Those are the apparent errors....although, I noticed that in a few places your verb tense is not consistant (present tense in one sentence past in the next), you might want to read over it and fix that (or not...it might just be your style to mix....)

    Anyway, aside from the few errors, I thought that the story was interesting. I liked the semi-twist....very interesting.

    Never been to a club, so I don't know that I can comment on the reality of the piece....I suppose I should leave that to someone else....

    Thanks for the interesting read!
    ~Doh
    | Posted on 2006-09-19 00:00:00 | by rememberplaydoh | [ Reply to This ]



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