kinky sexy things by lori

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Submission Name: kinky sexy things dots

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Author:	lori_tab
ASL Info:	19/f/alabama
Elite Ratio:	4.02 - 1183/1123/288
Words:	61

Class/Type:	Misc/Misc
Total Views:	233
Average Vote:	4.0000
Bytes:	361

Description:
unfinished...i lied wasn't kinky at all

kinky sexy things dots

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Sitting on the corner of a very lonely road. There was no action. NOthing equal or opposite or beautiful or brilliant or brave. THere was cement, smelling like sewer, stained with blood and alchohol and spit. Melted candy, melted minds. Broken bottles, broken hearts. Dimly lit by a streetlight that merely suggests that there was somewhere else to go.

Submitted on 2006-09-17 16:40:47 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  I like this! The title is misleading.. or is it? I don't really get the meaning of this poem, I'm assuming someone died?
| Posted on 2006-11-10 00:00:00 | by Two Meters Away | [ Reply to This ]
  wow...thats really cool, jazz....it doesnt seem extremely needing of something else, merely waiting to see if that something else falls into its lap...

i like the way it made me feel....like something more than the white noise and static i usually get....

so very stark, so very urban and urbane, in its way....yay...

keep it up

xoxo
| Posted on 2006-09-18 00:00:00 | by blu_kittin | [ Reply to This ]
  It doesn't feel unfinished or short to me.
I imagine it ending a story. Maybe it's because I was just reading his last novel before getting on here, but it reads like Bukowski in a way.

To me, that's a compliment.
It's an accurate representation of life... sort of. I'm just going to stop with it there. I want to take it and use it in something. I might with your permission. Or I may never with your permission. I never will without.
The last line was fantastic, and this wouldn't work without it, I think.
I just feel it, which makes it good writing. I suck at this apparently.

I'm fair at this: Typos and minor errors:
1. "NOthing" having too many capitals.
2. "THere" having too many capitals.
3. "alchohol" should be "alcohol"
Nothing important, but there you go.
| Posted on 2006-09-17 00:00:00 | by Sir Jimeth | [ Reply to This ]
  I like this. The title had me expecting something else and I was wondering if it fits, in a way it's cool and different but I wonder if something this GOOD deserves a more fitting title. you really put me there, in the moment. excellent.
| Posted on 2006-09-17 00:00:00 | by joe quinn | [ Reply to This ]
  Oh, well, of course I have to look with a title like that!

"Melted candy, melted minds. Broken bottles, broken hearts."

The simple imagery he general snappiness of those two sentences really gets me. For me, they really epitomize the feeling of this piece--quick and dry on the surface, but with an underlying sense of desperation.

I like the rhythm as well. It starts off very straightforward, then as it continues there's a growing feel of urgency, that slows down at the end "...that merely suggests that there was somewhere else to go."

I love that line. Offered hope that inevitably reveals itself as false.

This has real potential if you expand on it--or it would even be wonderful if you broke the lines up into a poem.

There are a few typing errors, but aside from that, I really appreciate this piece (short though it is).
| Posted on 2006-09-17 00:00:00 | by Pax Parvani | [ Reply to This ]
  after reading the title i think my mind took to me to a street corner with prostitutes and pimps as i read it . . . i guess i have a dirty mind. but yeah -- it could be applied to a lot of things in a lot of different situations. but honestly, it made me think about being trampled by enourmous boots -- with all kinds stuff stuck under the boot cutting and scratching my skin . . . or something like that. it was a very visual thing for me. good stuff. yeah. really good stuff.
| Posted on 2006-10-01 00:00:00 | by Solomon Disease | [ Reply to This ]

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