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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Titanium Smilesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: .:eVe:.
    ASL Info:    25/f/US
    Elite Ratio:    4.52 - 57/57/22
    Words: 107
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 79
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 743



    Description:
       I think I'm depressed. Don't really know. So trying to write since it's been a while...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTitanium Smilesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Itemized thoughts of the lightest drizzling rain.
    Softly spreading on my palms.
    Disolving like snowflakes to leave bitter tastes of salted whimpers in my mouth.
    Sudden sparkle of candied memories breaking to pieces on titanium smiles.
    Laughter floating over crags of sickly sweet coal falling in echo never to be heard again.
    The costume jewelry refusing to admit it's fake. Hiding rusted fingers behind torn silk garments.
    Pulled together with red and green thread to find allergies emerging from dyed objections.
    Swelling to overpower dyed memories of these beaded dreams.
    Fishing line breaking, beads scattering, droplets coursing down trails of oily rainbows.





    Submitted on 2006-09-17 18:45:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is one of those pieces that really brings a lot of imagery forth and leaves a sick taste in your mouth... a bitter and sad taste riddled with memories of something that used to be much more. I like that it leaves an impression, and I like the pictures you conjure up.
    I think there is some work to be done just general form/flow... I don't feel like it reads like a poem... I think it bleeds together a bit from line to line and makes it easy to just skim over. You could give it more impact with shorter more defined lines or stanzas... to give some pause for people to reflect on what you just said.
    this is a great start and I think you must have great visualization of surreal things in your big fat head. just give some definition to the parts of this that are most important to you. i love you and i hate you. when will our pizza be here?
    jess
    | Posted on 2006-09-21 00:00:00 | by parabola | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
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