Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Just One Daydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: MorbidAngel114
    ASL Info:    20/f/Behind you
    Elite Ratio:    3.82 - 445/480/114
    Words: 81
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 776
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 541



    Description:
       I don't care if this isn't good, but it's how I truly feel...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsJust One Daydots
    -------------------------------------------


    For just one day,
    let you and I
    Be together again
    Let our trouble fall away

    Create a haven,
    out of chaos
    Just slip away and hide

    Baby can I ask you,
    To take me somewhere safe?
    Take me somewhere far away
    Where troubles cannot follow

    Pain, Suffering, Sorrow
    Melted away in our eyes
    Our Heaven on earth,
    Has finally found us

    At least for the day
    Let the world melt away
    Just you and I together




    Submitted on 2006-09-17 21:04:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Awwww. I wish he could come home and take you away from everything. *Smiles* I'm glad you have someone like this, little sister. Makes me happy to know you're happy in the world. *HUGS*

    Big Sis
    | Posted on 2006-09-19 00:00:00 | by BCute | [ Reply to This ]
      Iím not sure why no one has commented on this piece yet.
    I thought it delivered a peaceful mindset, and painted you a beautiful scenario.
    It sounds like lyrics, have you thought about transforming it into a song?
    If not and you would rather leave it as a poem, might I suggest you be a tad more elaborate.
    Good write though.
    | Posted on 2006-09-18 00:00:00 | by theDevilsPocket | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    118531

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    This written by Chelebel
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Incubus written by monad
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Push written by JanePlane
    Bond written by saartha
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To written by SavedDragon
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Once Again written by krs3332003

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry