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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Love.. HATEdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: jackz
    ASL Info:    24/F/OH
    Elite Ratio:    3.76 - 591/622/380
    Words: 193
    Class/Type: Story/Serious
    Total Views: 555
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1269



    Description:
       mmm The death or the dying of a loved one.. yet a hated one..


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLove.. HATEdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Lye in your bed so still...
    As the muisc plays
    And the fan keeps going in its consistant rotation
    And your thoughts of death
    Of a soul leaving a persons body
    Lingers within your mind...
    For these are not sucidal thoughts
    Simply thoughts of a loved one
    Of a hated one
    Whom might be fately ill
    For this relation you have with this deathly ill person
    Is sweet yet sour..
    Loving ... warm hearted..
    Yet cold as ice..
    His body so lifeless..
    So helpless.
    You can only feel guilt...
    Yet remorse for this guilt.
    As you long to simply pull it back
    go back and search for this guilt this sadness
    You bring upon yourself..
    Because he's brought plent of sorrows on you..
    Plenty of hardships on you
    you never desvered or longed to have...
    Yet his lifeless body brings tears to your eyes..
    For this is not the first time .. he's brought tears to your eyes..
    Nevertheless
    I amilessly lye helpless in this bed of mine
    With thoughts of him
    And just how lifeless his body really is..

    And this guilt..
    Still lingers..
    Within my thoughts




    Submitted on 2006-09-18 00:53:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is a really good piece, it really shows how much you care for that person, how much you regret ending things with that person,how you regret making them feel like nothing, how you hate them but love them, how your feelings for them have turned cold and nothing can fix it, you could try stanzas, and three are a few spelling mistakes but just minor stuff.

    I bid thee fairwell with a door left open,
    ~kohl~
    | Posted on 2006-11-25 00:00:00 | by panzyrocker | [ Reply to This ]
      its good,but there are spelling errors that through me off,you could also trie stanzas,but over all keep it up!its good

    safire
    | Posted on 2006-09-18 00:00:00 | by girly101 | [ Reply to This ]


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