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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Self Inflicted Warfaredots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: StanKross
    ASL Info:    26/M/ON Canada
    Elite Ratio:    2.77 - 13/28/17
    Words: 124
    Class/Type: Poetry/BrokenHeart
    Total Views: 738
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 841



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSelf Inflicted Warfaredots
    -------------------------------------------


    If the eye's are windows to the soul
    yours are clouded
    love just never had a chance
    with a heart so gaurded
    Sarcasm's post sentry behind your lips
    prepared to fight
    instructed to fire upon any hope for happiness
    on site
    Your past is your battleground
    in this war you've been waging
    an Invisible adversary
    you've been blindly engaging
    this fight is deep within you
    but you've been fighting so long
    surrender is not an option
    your hurt is to damn strong
    but If you should ever need an ally
    I'd take up arms with you
    this one sided fight
    we could only stand to loose
    I've fought that fight and take it from me
    love is not your enemy
    It's you




    Submitted on 2006-09-18 01:24:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      nice message, you portrayed a concept in which everyone knows is true but still they never learn from...In this life we can succeed to do anything an everything...bla bla, but ya the only thing stopping us is ourselves....

    nice read..

    keep it up..
    | Posted on 2006-09-27 00:00:00 | by SinCeer05 | [ Reply to This ]
      It is uncanny Stan. After you posted a comment about my song, The Message, I thought about the struggle with God and your agnosticism. I immediately wrote "My Enemy," which closely mirrors this poem, from a different perspective.

    Other than a few grammar errors, which I will post below, I thoroughly enjoyed the imagery and message of the write.

    Here is what I saw as the needed changes:

    "If the eyes are windows to the soul
    yours are clouded
    love just never had a chance
    with a heart so guarded
    Sarcasm posts sentries behind your lips
    prepared to fight
    instructed to fire upon any hope for happiness
    on sight
    Your past is your battleground
    in this war you've been waging
    an Invisible adversary
    you've been blindly engaging
    this fight is deep within you
    but you've been fighting so long
    surrender is not an option
    your hurt is to damn strong
    but If you should ever need an ally
    I'd take up arms with you
    this one-sided fight
    we could only stand to lose
    I've fought that fight and take it from me
    love is not your enemy
    It's you"
    | Posted on 2006-09-19 00:00:00 | by The Gadfly | [ Reply to This ]
      This write is written perfect
    I wish more people would realize in order to move Forward in life one has to take chances
    Even if they fail they really dont
    For the lessons they learn from that situation easily carry their heart forward and now they are area of things that can prevent them from moving forward
    I too think using the BATTLEGROUND as a main theme was very clever and fits perfectly
    Great Job!!!
    God Bless
    Ron

    Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-09-18 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      Good poem. I like the 'warfare" theme you have going here. It works wonders for this write.

    Regret does have a way of seeping in and ruining any future happiness (if we let it).

    The last part, starting with...
    "but If you should ever need an ally...."
    - just beautiful.

    This is good writing.. I hope to read more of your work.
    | Posted on 2006-09-18 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
      I’m completely bewildered as to why it is that the poems that are simple and mediocre and the ones that are most commented on. And the poems that actually have an appealing content are the least commented on.
    Perhaps they are baffled at the sheer significants.

    This was my favorite.
    “Your past is your battleground
    in this war you've been waging
    an Invisible adversary
    you've been blindly engaging”

    You’ve made it rhyme without forcing it, it flows along with ease.
    The only suggestion I have, is to separate your paragraphs.
    Usually it contains four lines per paragraph. That way it makes it easier to read.
    I will be watching for future postings.
    | Posted on 2006-09-18 00:00:00 | by theDevilsPocket | [ Reply to This ]


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