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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Alonedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: The Conqueror
    ASL Info:    21/female/Missouri
    Elite Ratio:    3.48 - 178/204/42
    Words: 132
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 1219
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 832



    Description:
       Hmmm..... maybe a bit morbid. Oh well.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAlonedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Crested with the dancing grasses
    and marbled rock and stone
    the dirt consumes my everything
    and now I am alone

    Lying in the freezing depths
    though blanketed' you rest
    until the dawning of your sun
    and awakened righteousness

    They filled a hole and left a void
    an empty hollow space
    when all the candles were blown out
    and shadows touched your barren face

    I saw you in your little box
    as they closed it o'er your head
    and a raindrop fell across your cheek
    feigning tears you'd never shed

    And here you lay 'neath dirt and grass
    and marbled rock and stone
    with these few words upon the rock
    'And now I walk alone'





    Submitted on 2006-09-18 16:01:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is beautiful and very touching! It echoes of strength and yet of loneliness, and shadows that knowledge that we all feint, and that is that, we are all unique and alone, and never so much so as at death! Your lovely poem imparts that definite feeling of final separation from the physical world and going on alone to the afterlife!




    | Posted on 2008-03-24 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a lovely balance of poetic rhyme and theme coming together. Your words are very captivating and compelling.

    Well done yet again.

    Frank.
    | Posted on 2006-09-18 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]
      Honestly, I can understand that this poem is about loss, and yet you don't really seem to communicate the actual anguish of loss very well. Like, your words are beautiful. You have a gift fro stringing certain words together to make them sound beautiful and poetic, but what I think you lack is feeling. Hope that helps. Now, please be cool and comment some of my stuff! =]
    | Posted on 2006-09-18 00:00:00 | by Aurora-Borealis | [ Reply to This ]


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