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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Fractured Templedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Mithrandir
    ASL Info:    28/m/N.Y.
    Elite Ratio:    4.62 - 452/681/113
    Words: 112
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1085
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 913



    Description:
       To me this piece just seems like a random string of stanzas. It found its way out so I am posting it to see any thoughts I can get on it.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFractured Templedots
    -------------------------------------------


    This fractured chapel
    you've been living in
    pure white and porcelain


    Faltered before
    the test of time


    call me gray
    just another shade
    of things to come


    seasons of change
    blow through broken windows


    this fractured chapel
    can't be rebuilt
    tread carefully


    skin splits open
    on foolish beliefs


    call me gray
    just another shade
    of things to come


    It's the end's beginning
    a chance for
    something new


    This fractured temple
    you've been living in
    pure white and porcelain

    couldn't withstand
    the test of time
    this is the first step
    towards enlightenment





    Submitted on 2006-09-19 01:27:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      "seasons of change/ blow through broken windows"

    then we repair the glass and look with clarity through it...

    i like the new beginnings emphasized here...

    and the repetition of the most important stanza...things aren't pure, aren't white/innocent...the porcelain gets stained...the glass gets broken...
    but we can clean it up and start over...


    and then remember that life has so much gray area to it...we may start to refrain from judging...life is complicated, has many sides and we have to allow for that..

    also give ourselves a break..

    i have read a couple other of your poems..i really like your style..
    it's bang bang and effective.

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-03-14 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      The fractured temple, itís me. It is a terrible mistake trying to be perfect, being the martyr and knowing it. But life changes everything. Done something bad, some would say a mistake, some would say sin, but that drew me out from the grave. Iím alive and happier, and how I got here, those who love me donít need to know. The temple didnít withstand, but enlightenment had come. Maybe itís mistakes that make a man.
    Thank you for sharing!
    | Posted on 2007-09-03 00:00:00 | by Poly Jean | [ Reply to This ]
      I Love it!!!

    If you want to pull it together some by adding or changing I think it could ruin the poem. I love the broken stanzas and the feeling of the
    body being broken the same way...the whole pieces falling into place by being scrambled is brilliant...hmmm...I'm jealous ; )

    kk...This to me and in my minds eye feels like self reflection and realization...I'm probably wrong but no matter...for me it was fitting.
    I'm so glad you're writing again. I check on you ya know...and it makes my heart smile to see your beautiful words flow. You have a unreal way of making the body ache with understanding as well as the heart and mind...
    I love that and so missed reading your work when it was not here. I understand though for I lost that pen myself for quite awhile and it so sucked...
    for some day all I have is my pen to protect me,
    and it is needed for my sanity.

    This is a fav...and I will be reading the others now...Thank you

    Kelly
    | Posted on 2007-01-22 00:00:00 | by clay | [ Reply to This ]
      your writing has great spiritual depth right now... that interests me after what you said the other day about the seasons affecting your mood...

    i like this.
    you seem to be playing with a whole lot of different symbology and ideas from different religions and spiritual paths.
    chapels, enlightenment, beliefs and seasons and the passage of time...

    you are right in the description when you say it feels kinda random but i do think there is something underneath it all... between the lines for want of better terminology...

    your reusage of the chapel image and also the passing of time is what pulls this together and makes it feel like one piece as opposed to the fragments it could feel like if these themes werent runnin throughout the piece.

    ok and so... enlightenment has just smashed me in the face... the chapel is me... my body...
    the bible says "surely you know that you are gods temple and that gods spirit lives in you" i preached a whole sermon on it when i was in bible college... i was reading it the other day actually... challenging stuff but anyways...

    the idea that the chapel cant be rebuilt. that once its broken its broken.
    that it doesnt withstand the test of time.
    time is never kind to bodies be them concrete or flesh...the fragility of life.

    wow... after that little piece of enlightenment i must say i like this piece a whole lot more than your degraded signals... this piece here has slapped me round and made me think...
    | Posted on 2006-09-20 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      Hm... interesting to say the very least. "Random string of stanzas" certainly isn't how I'd describe this piece, though.

    The reader seems to be purposefully carried through a logical stream of conciousness based upon the highly illogical beliefs of the common religous member of society. Starting with the "chapel" and ending with the reference to the temple... it seems to force one's mind backwards in history, as if to say that the only way to move forward, as a society, or as individuals, we must leave such ideologies behind. And one can't help but notice the repeated stanza, "call me gray just another shade of things to come", which seems to forebode a dark future for any who tie themselves to such beliefs.

    In any event, I thought this piece was nothing short of excellent. Well crafted and thought provoking... a very good example of well rounded poetry. Good work.

    -Lance
    | Posted on 2006-09-19 00:00:00 | by giventofly | [ Reply to This ]


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