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Fractured Temple


Author: Mithrandir
ASL Info:    28/m/N.Y.
Elite Ratio:    4.62 - 452 /681 /113
Words: 112
Class/Type: Poetry /Serious
Total Views: 1708
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 913



Description:


To me this piece just seems like a random string of stanzas. It found its way out so I am posting it to see any thoughts I can get on it.


Fractured Temple



This fractured chapel
you've been living in
pure white and porcelain


Faltered before
the test of time


call me gray
just another shade
of things to come


seasons of change
blow through broken windows


this fractured chapel
can't be rebuilt
tread carefully


skin splits open
on foolish beliefs


call me gray
just another shade
of things to come


It's the end's beginning
a chance for
something new


This fractured temple
you've been living in
pure white and porcelain

couldn't withstand
the test of time
this is the first step
towards enlightenment





Submitted on 2006-09-19 01:27:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  "seasons of change/ blow through broken windows"

then we repair the glass and look with clarity through it...

i like the new beginnings emphasized here...

and the repetition of the most important stanza...things aren't pure, aren't white/innocent...the porcelain gets stained...the glass gets broken...
but we can clean it up and start over...


and then remember that life has so much gray area to it...we may start to refrain from judging...life is complicated, has many sides and we have to allow for that..

also give ourselves a break..

i have read a couple other of your poems..i really like your style..
it's bang bang and effective.

jacob
| Posted on 2011-03-14 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
  The fractured temple, it’s me. It is a terrible mistake trying to be perfect, being the martyr and knowing it. But life changes everything. Done something bad, some would say a mistake, some would say sin, but that drew me out from the grave. I’m alive and happier, and how I got here, those who love me don’t need to know. The temple didn’t withstand, but enlightenment had come. Maybe it’s mistakes that make a man.
Thank you for sharing!
| Posted on 2007-09-03 00:00:00 | by Poly Jean | [ Reply to This ]
  I Love it!!!

If you want to pull it together some by adding or changing I think it could ruin the poem. I love the broken stanzas and the feeling of the
body being broken the same way...the whole pieces falling into place by being scrambled is brilliant...hmmm...I'm jealous ; )

kk...This to me and in my minds eye feels like self reflection and realization...I'm probably wrong but no matter...for me it was fitting.
I'm so glad you're writing again. I check on you ya know...and it makes my heart smile to see your beautiful words flow. You have a unreal way of making the body ache with understanding as well as the heart and mind...
I love that and so missed reading your work when it was not here. I understand though for I lost that pen myself for quite awhile and it so sucked...
for some day all I have is my pen to protect me,
and it is needed for my sanity.

This is a fav...and I will be reading the others now...Thank you

Kelly
| Posted on 2007-01-22 00:00:00 | by clay | [ Reply to This ]
  your writing has great spiritual depth right now... that interests me after what you said the other day about the seasons affecting your mood...

i like this.
you seem to be playing with a whole lot of different symbology and ideas from different religions and spiritual paths.
chapels, enlightenment, beliefs and seasons and the passage of time...

you are right in the description when you say it feels kinda random but i do think there is something underneath it all... between the lines for want of better terminology...

your reusage of the chapel image and also the passing of time is what pulls this together and makes it feel like one piece as opposed to the fragments it could feel like if these themes werent runnin throughout the piece.

ok and so... enlightenment has just smashed me in the face... the chapel is me... my body...
the bible says "surely you know that you are gods temple and that gods spirit lives in you" i preached a whole sermon on it when i was in bible college... i was reading it the other day actually... challenging stuff but anyways...

the idea that the chapel cant be rebuilt. that once its broken its broken.
that it doesnt withstand the test of time.
time is never kind to bodies be them concrete or flesh...the fragility of life.

wow... after that little piece of enlightenment i must say i like this piece a whole lot more than your degraded signals... this piece here has slapped me round and made me think...
| Posted on 2006-09-20 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
  Hm... interesting to say the very least. "Random string of stanzas" certainly isn't how I'd describe this piece, though.

The reader seems to be purposefully carried through a logical stream of conciousness based upon the highly illogical beliefs of the common religous member of society. Starting with the "chapel" and ending with the reference to the temple... it seems to force one's mind backwards in history, as if to say that the only way to move forward, as a society, or as individuals, we must leave such ideologies behind. And one can't help but notice the repeated stanza, "call me gray just another shade of things to come", which seems to forebode a dark future for any who tie themselves to such beliefs.

In any event, I thought this piece was nothing short of excellent. Well crafted and thought provoking... a very good example of well rounded poetry. Good work.

-Lance
| Posted on 2006-09-19 00:00:00 | by giventofly | [ Reply to This ]


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