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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Picnicdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Marcusj
    ASL Info:    35/M/NZ
    Elite Ratio:    5.6 - 48/21/35
    Words: 49
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 592
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 336



    Description:
       It can be a very nerve racking experience asking a beautiful woman out. Though that does somewhat lessen with age and experience. Still rejection stings like a bitch!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Picnicdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Played like wine
    In a love affair
    With every mismatched stagger
    That led me here

    To think is to act
    As I stand and stare
    For every misguided word
    Disguising my fear

    Never before
    Had it seemed so clear
    Why my misshaped ego
    Would find it unfair.




    Submitted on 2006-09-19 08:12:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Well, I liked the poem, mainly because of its sound and ease of reading. I'm not sure - oh, heck, I am sure - that I would not have known what it was about had you not put it in the description. And the title would not have been a tip-off. If that's okay with you, then it's okay with me. I have no suggestions for this poem, so this isn't particularly helpful to you. I'm sorry about that. But I did enjoy it. mae
    | Posted on 2006-09-19 00:00:00 | by mae | [ Reply to This ]
      That first stanza is amazing. AMAZING! Like, it's just too cool. I really like the rest, but, wow, they just seem to pale in comparison to that first stanza. In a way, I think that first stanza almost hurts the rest of the poem, because, as I said, the other two stanzas are good, but they never reach the level of the first. I don't know... yeah. I like the use of different "mis-" words in the each third-line of the poem. You executed that very well. Yep, I liked this though.

    Justin :D

    ps - first stanza...!!
    | Posted on 2006-09-19 00:00:00 | by IamYourTragedy | [ Reply to This ]


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    January 10 07
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