ramblings of a dreamer by _Dancing_Alone

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Submission Name: ramblings of a dreamer dots

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Author:	_Dancing_Alone_
ASL Info:	14/f/and...MARS.
Elite Ratio:	3.87 - 91/96/36
Words:	125

Class/Type:	Poetry/Being a Teen
Total Views:	139
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	960

Description:
ok...i just sat down...started writing & post.
thats it so please dont say its not put together nicely because i'll fix it later...its my feeling of my dream that i cant reach...
please be helpful in the comments?^_____^
thnx~~~~~alll!!!!

ramblings of a dreamer dots

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

sitting here,again
it sucks.
dreaming dreams
& wishing luck.
it never changes
this routine
it never changes
it's killing me..

i need this life
to prove myself
to reach my dreams
& prove it to everyone else.
i will.

im just waiting...right?
i will live how i want to...
& fall in the stars..
im,,just taking my time.

but will everyone wrong
with how they dont believe me...
with everyone else,
yea, they mind-as-well just.....not see me.

It IS what i want...
more than anything else..
its my only hope
to get away from this hell.

my mind cant be blank
my thoughts cannot drown
they're all i have left
SO I CANNOT BACK DOWN.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Submitted on 2006-09-19 12:41:47 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
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||| Comments |||
  I find this write very sad
It seems to me that the Person of discussion in this write is sadly living their life in the image that others have set for them instead of being themselves
This is so sad
I know through experience when this happens a person totally forgets who is the real person they are
You worded this well and your choose of words to stress emotion is very good
Excellent Job!!!
God Bless
Ron
| Posted on 2006-11-13 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
  There were a couple of parts in the poem that really threw me such as "But will everyone wrong" and "yea, they mind-as well" the first one I don't really get, is it proving them wrong or asking if they are all wrong? and the second one, I could be wrong but isn't the phrase meant to be "they might as well"? Just a though, and I agree with the previous comments about the capitols, I think there are more effective ways of making something stand out or be the focus. But once you've altered it and checked for typos and grammar errors send me a message and I'd love to read it again.
| Posted on 2006-09-20 00:00:00 | by Cat | [ Reply to This ]
  The use of all capitols in a sentence is generally unneccasary but to each their own, right? With a little editing I think it could be more powerful, and since thats what your going to do we are I believe, on the same page. A relevant emotion to teenage-hood, so good on that one. There are many who can relate to your thoughts, and thats generally important. Steer clear of clichés...though you havent blatantly used any. So, good job! And I'll definatley read the edited version when it comes around.
| Posted on 2006-09-19 00:00:00 | by impassive sky | [ Reply to This ]
  This is an emotional write. It does seem to be the feelings most teenagers have.
There were some things in here that I've read many times before and so let it down for me slightly.
The first line was one of those, and the last line of the fifth stanza, also.
If you're going to edit the format etc anyway there's no need for me to comment on that.
I did like it. Just maybe more new and creative descriptions of ideas could be used.
Thanks for sharing.
| Posted on 2006-09-19 00:00:00 | by SilverScent | [ Reply to This ]
  I didn't muc care for the capitals at the ending line, it really threw me off, but it is your poem.
Yeah, this could use some serious revising because alot of it seemed forced. I'm looking forward to reading it once it's more fixed up a bit, but I do understand why things are little choppy. I've tried to write about a dream once before, and like dreams themselves, it's extremely difficult to even so much get a good grasp on what you're actually trying to say, or what you're saying actually means.
Well, peace for now or never....

*tox*
| Posted on 2006-09-19 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]

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