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    dots Submission Name: The Raindots

    Author: Scribner
    Elite Ratio:    2.3 - 131/134/18
    Words: 47
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1055
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 306


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Raindots

    I loved the rain.
    The way we sat in it,
    letting it baptize our flesh;
    washing us clean,
    as we confessed to each other
    our fears and darkest sins.
    We sought repentance
    in each others arms.
    But now you're gone,
    and God, how I hate the rain.

    Submitted on 2004-01-27 15:05:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Oooh I like it... I looked at the title and was thinking, not the most interesting subject, nor is it the most interesting title... But then I read it, and I really do like it... a lot!! I love the flow, i love what it's about, and how it develops. Very nice ^_^
    | Posted on 2006-12-06 00:00:00 | by Morilla | [ Reply to This ]
      This is amazing...beautiful and sad and so simple yet it says so much!
    It makes me want to sit out in the rain!
    I love the way your piece flows. Don't change it.

    | Posted on 2006-11-29 00:00:00 | by Lisa-Marie | [ Reply to This ]
      Brilliant, I like the romantic ideal here and the rain washing away confessions is good. Good write, thanks for my comment by the way
    | Posted on 2006-04-27 00:00:00 | by liamzamudio | [ Reply to This ]
      Excellant. I love transitions and that one was masterly done.
    | Posted on 2004-03-21 00:00:00 | by kjb | [ Reply to This ]
      a little polish, interesting word choice, nice vocabulary brightens the place up a bit
    | Posted on 2004-01-28 00:00:00 | by brokenbatman | [ Reply to This ]
      nice i love it since i've read it before lol i like your name too. but the poem itself is genius pure genius
    | Posted on 2004-01-27 00:00:00 | by Soulraven | [ Reply to This ]
      Agreed. Forced rhyme would ruin this. True artistry lies in knowing when rhyme and rhythm help you, and when to dispense with structure, or at least bend the rules. You have created a perfect snapshot of two moments in time, a double-exposure of before and after. Well done. <><
    | Posted on 2004-01-27 00:00:00 | by WorththeWait | [ Reply to This ]
      that was a pretty good poem, good idea but u should try rhyming more
    | Posted on 2004-01-27 00:00:00 | by AntiLife | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked it as is, with no rhyme,..it flows nicely and I liked the religious metaphor. Our beliefs and perspectives change after love has left, even if just temporarily, and I think this piece says just that. Thanks, silver
    | Posted on 2004-01-27 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]
      I like poems that don't force the rhyme. This is nice as is. I like the way you captured a beautiful moment that shows the importance of this individual to you and then capped it off with the last two lines. Nicely done.
    | Posted on 2004-01-27 00:00:00 | by kblyric | [ Reply to This ]

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