Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Alluredots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Briannan
    ASL Info:    20/F/CA
    Elite Ratio:    4.59 - 123/127/49
    Words: 83
    Class/Type: Misc/Serious
    Total Views: 940
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 621



    Description:
       I decided to sit down and think of all the things that society depicts as "provocative" in a woman. And from those thoughts came this piece. I think that it is nearly impossible to be a supermodel, with super brains, and a bubbling effervescent personality that wins the entire room


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAlluredots
    -------------------------------------------


    A touch of rouge
    Long hair
    Dark or blonde
    Never a hair out of place
    Exotic looks
    A tilt of the head
    A twist of the hip
    Pale or tan
    No inbetweens
    Gentle speech
    Walks with a flair
    Never grows old
    Enchanting smile
    Full lips
    Full breasts
    Narrow waisted
    Full hips
    A touch of the hand
    A giggle on cue
    Whimsical
    Brave
    Always needs a man
    Educated
    With a good conversation
    Fine taste
    Always gibbering
    I could never be
    The most alluring woman




    Submitted on 2006-09-19 16:00:57     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like this piece. Pietro is right when he says that the subject described therein is vague and formless, but I think that adds to the meaning if anything. Modern society has set the standard so high for women (and to a lesser extent, men) that the epitome of beauty and intrigue seems to almost only exist in this nebulous spectre of self-image that can only be wished for but never achieved.

    If anything this poem makes you think, and really that's what's important. Nice work.

    -Lance
    | Posted on 2006-12-12 00:00:00 | by giventofly | [ Reply to This ]
      hmmm, looks like a rather vague description of what you clearly think of yourself as not being. this entitiy that you described almost seems formless. the juxtapositions in the imagery and traits gives a muddled picture of the subject. the vaguaries add a nice touch though. but doesnt help much in getting the meat of the matter out. it seems that we are only seeing pieces. pieces from other people,, personalities, pasted and posted for all to perceive inside the room.

    i havent met a lot of people, but im pretty sure it'll be a fukced up day if i ever meet someone like the people, persons you described (in fact, i think i know someone like that. bad case. dont ask.) anyway, i think i would have liked this piece more if your description didnt give so much away. the last lines are stringed up in such a way, that it looks like you could be talking about yourself, within the throes of martyrdom, knowing how perfect you are yet still some piece remains lost...

    instead of another character that is. hmmm there are some trivial spelling errors, but they are only trivial. its all good.

    peace.

    -pietro
    | Posted on 2006-09-19 00:00:00 | by Pietro | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    118707

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Carry written by saartha
    Etiquette written by saartha
    The World written by jjd
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Cover written by saartha
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Dream written by closetpoet
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    untitled written by ShyOne
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry