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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: 70 Word Short Story "Detuning"dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Pietro
    ASL Info:    30/m/cebu
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 298/175/36
    Words: 74
    Class/Type: Story/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 962
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 471



    Description:
       i dont know. it feels like something that happens to most of us, or something that we wish would happen to most of us. to have that one brilliant conversation, your minds being like grains of sand that collide and form this shard of glass that rip the fabric of this plane open.


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    dots70 Word Short Story "Detuning"dots
    -------------------------------------------




    He tentatively twanged and tuned and turned the knobs of the aged instrument; while the other sat and sipped his cold beer, awash in his own memories and listening to the gradual detuning of the guitar.

    “This thing is beyond all hope.” said the de-tuner.
    “Oh, let it be and let us continue.” said the talkative other.

    They both drank until morning came, discoursing on metaphysics, post-postmodernism and gods.




    Submitted on 2006-09-19 16:16:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Hyphenated words counted at two or one :P

    You seem to have tuned the de-tuner with the affect of beer :)

    Absolutely lost
    | Posted on 2011-09-10 00:00:00 | by AbsolutelyLost | [ Reply to This ]
      the detuning is brilliant...
    i think it is our imperfections that bring us together and give us a solidified bond or something to that extent...

    anyways... guitars are total arse/hole things to tune... i HATE it! i wanna be one of those people who can just look at the damn thing and it be tuned but alas... i am not there yet...

    the agedness of the instrument is a key factor for me in setting the tone of this piece... if the instrument is old then those who are trying to play it or tune it or detune it may quite well be old too... well not old... just well played perhaps...

    i like how you outline the process of what seems to be tuning but turns out to be otherwise... good things take time or something and well... im sure some bands would agree that detuned is a good thing...

    and the beer and the memories...
    thats also detuning to me...
    my father always becomes so alive and reminiscent when hes got a few in him... remember the time when... or me and your mother this (though my parents havent been together for close to 20 years now...) unwiding... detuning... taking it back to how it is once remembered to be even if it isnt how it was at all...

    i love the last line...
    the drinking and talking and depth of conversation... beer seems to bring out the most interesting convos... i love my dad most when hes drunk (which is mostly always these days but anyways...)

    i like this pietro... i wish i was capable of pulling something like this off...
    | Posted on 2006-09-25 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      How about "drank together" instead of "both drank"?
    | Posted on 2006-09-23 00:00:00 | by bitterlily | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, it's what we're good at... motion. It's because we die... or because we know that we're going to die. Ergo, we need to progress, prosper, and squeeze every ounce of sweat, dreams and California Maki that life has to offer.

    Is it evolution or decadence? Either way, these bottles of beer are what keeps us beautiful.

    What I ultimately like about this piece is that it limits all that I can allow myself say... but not the things that I want to say...

    So for that, poet, I thank you.
    | Posted on 2006-09-20 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]
      This piece is amazing, just like the last one I read one. Though, I do think I like that one better. However, I really love the picture this paints in my head. I see this taking place on a porch, maybe in the South, perhaps as the sun is setting.

    Yes, I really like this.

    The only thing I can think of for it, is taking out "cold," before beer in line two. It's a boring adjective, and I don't think it adds anything. Oh, also the periods at the end of the dialogue should both be commas. Maybe you could take out "talkative" too. I don't know. This piece, to me, is crying out simplicity, and I think the fewer adjectives the better. But again, everything is up to you.

    Loved it. Great piece.

    Justin :D
    | Posted on 2006-09-19 00:00:00 | by IamYourTragedy | [ Reply to This ]
      Loved the detuning and its gradual progress.....
    speaks so loud!

    It almost paints how we come to an out of tuneness with our experience of the world.... else why the fellowship of the bottle.....

    | Posted on 2006-09-19 00:00:00 | by CrypticBard | [ Reply to This ]


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