Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • ES Magazine
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • Video Tutorials
  • RolePlay
  • 90% off Amazon
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: how to tell when a tree is saddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: rouge wave
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 22/16/4
    Words: 294
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 221
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1998



    Description:
       
    for my little brother and sister

    suggestions on format/over all impression


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotshow to tell when a tree is saddots
    -------------------------------------------


    'how to tell when a tree is sad'

    I remembered him asking,
    How do you tell when trees are sad?
    "Why do you think
    they would be sad?"
    We were looking at a weeping willow
    on that late summer day

    – it had to be summer still because
    the ground was soft and not crunchy
    not bedded with dry leaves
    but with soft, green grass.

    His tiny eyes strained against
    sun and tree branches across the way.

    It was one of the last few days
    when the sun would be out
    so we held it captive in our stares

    and we stared
    as he conjured up a reason
    to why he thought a tree could be sad

    It's standing all alone and it can't move.

    This sounded like a reasonable explaination to me.
    "Do you think trees would be happier
    if they could travel like we do?"
    He tried to picture a world
    with free-moving trees.
    No, I don't think so. But maybe.
    It was too warm out and
    the sun felt too good on our faces
    to try to change our world for trees

    instead he clung to my arm
    and leaned against my chest
    and I thought
    It would be easy to stand up and
    make him lose his grip on my arm.

    I imagined the sun must feel
    the same way about the sky

    that would make a tree sad,
    if the sun went away
    but trees probably don't worry too much
    about the sun leaving

    so we both continued to sit
    on that soft summer grass
    and enjoyed the sun
    while it was still there




    Submitted on 2006-09-19 20:15:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i've always wondered why weeping willows weep.... i just figured they had clinical depression or something...

    most of this write was smooth and made me imagine the boy asking such questions... but for some reason the boys lines seem like they're thought... and not spoken... maybe it's just the italics.... it could be because my mind thinks in an odd manner...

    i wondered also... why would it be one of the last few days the sun is out? i mean.. if it's summer...

    it also seems like there's something i'm missing here... probably because i know you usually have some bigger broader picture going on with your writing... so i cant see this as a simple piece

    um... format.... i'm not sure you used one... but it doesnt hurt it at all.. you used stanzas as mini paragraphs with coreographed ideas (i dont know if that means anything but that's what i typed and i like the way it sounds)

    i think this is a 'cute' write... reminiscent of childhood moments or maybe a moment from the future if i ever have kids....

    i like how it all seems so innocent but you throw that line in about how easy it would be to stand up and make him lose his grip... it's human nature to think like that.. even if it's not meant in a menacing way... pointing out how helpless children are... or pointing out that you're needed...

    what ever happened to 'the boy' stories?
    | Posted on 2007-06-09 00:00:00 | by besodemuerte | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree with mae, and feel that this piece paints a beautiful picture. I had the image in my head perfectly. Your writing didn't seem jagged to me at all. It seemed logical and simple. Kind of like the child in the story thinks. That is the beauty of this piece. The tree is sad because the boy thinks it is. Wonderful write. Just gushing love. Favo-rite
    | Posted on 2006-11-07 00:00:00 | by solararia | [ Reply to This ]
      Hm. I read your two previous commenters and can't say I agree with either of them. I don't think the poem really has much to do with trees at all; I don't get a jagged feel from it, nor did I sense urgency in it. To me, the whole point of the poem was about the shared bond you had with this young child, and your enjoyment of it. It could have taken place in winter, early morning and the discussion have been about shifting clouds. The important part was that the two of you had a quiet shared moment that neither of you was eager to end.

    That feeling came through loud and clear. It was a lovely write.

    Nit-pick - explaination should be explanation.

    mae
    | Posted on 2006-09-25 00:00:00 | by mae | [ Reply to This ]
      The question remains unaswered?

    But the poem isn't so much about answering that question as much as the asking of it. There is an element of parable in this poem. It seems to me that the answer would be nothing makes a tree sad because the tree wants for nothing save light and rain. In the fisrt instance the sun isn't going anywhere soon and in the second instance rain i
    water are unbiquatos. Of course it isn't that simple for drought is always a possibility as well as a global cool down resulting from volcanic acivity or some such calamity. The point is that on the average day a tree wants for nothing. The implication being that want of things is the root of sadness or a central cause. It is reminsant of a buddistic perspective. So it would seem that the theme touches on this idea. There are also elements of hierchel ordering as in the sun to the sky or the sun to the tree as brother to brother. Also a subtle introduction to interdependance unity and harmony. I also see traces of nature spirituality like shinto in the personification of the tree and the sun. The poem strikes me as speaking about desire as a cause of sadness. The tree becomes an example of an alternative to a life full of wants and needs. The poem also puts the subjects within the larger context of the planet i sky and solar system i sun to create a biosphere orientation to frame our lives. I don't think that the emphasis is strong on the conclusion. But the poem retains the lazy summer day feel through out and ends that way. This works against crystalizing the theme particularly towards the end. The end reult is that there is no eurika moment for the reader just the mood created by the poem. This may well be your intention but it is worth noting anyway. I like the italized text. It works really well in the poem. It's use reminds me of turn of century poetry like Roger Kiplings. It also lend to the story telling style of the poem. I would like to see a little more meet to the weeping willow descriptions to add poetic fire works to the imagery in the poem. It scans fairly straight forward with little use of sonic tools like aliteration and internal rhyme to add interest to the ear.

    I am mystified by stanza S4 where you discuss how it is was the last few days the sun would be out. Taking into account the weeping willow this would have to be a reference to the shortening of the days in autumn and winter. The only other possibility would have to be a north or south pole scenario where the sun is up for 6 months out the year, but weeping willows don't grow that north or south. The way that stanza is phrased leaves room for these questions. I would suggest retunning that stanza.

    Nice writing,

    Marco
    | Posted on 2006-09-20 00:00:00 | by Car va g o | [ Reply to This ]
      Beautiful, really.

    For some reason, I like the jaggedness of this piece. It gave the impression that there is a story you needed to tell and that urgency allowed you crash through the lyrical walls with such passion. Well actually, crash, is not the right term, I think. Perhaps, seeped through seems better.

    To me, this piece speaks of silence; silence in a sense that one is willing to temporarily let go of its influence over the world just to feel it... to surrender to a steadiness in order to appreciate something small yet greatly beautiful.

    This stillness, I think, is what empowers poets more than other methods of creation could do.

    And it is what makes age sparkle so well... actually I'm not really there yet but... I think it does.

    Anyway, nice piece.
    | Posted on 2006-09-20 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]



    Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
    5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

    [ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

    Google
     

    [ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
    [ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .
    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry
    This user has been inactive for more than 5 days.