You've deemed yourself worthy of a standing ovation my fellow elitist! Wonderfully written. I could point out which of my stanza's are the most pleasing to the mind's eye, but I'd simply have to copy and paste the entire work into the comment box. Not a very sensful thing to do. Anyway, I want to thank you for sharing such a wonderful write with the world. My jaw hit the floor after the first line, and my mind couldn't find anything else to rest upon. I think I've read this five times now, and I still can't get enough. Keep up the fabulous work. Talent so pure and beautiful should not be kept secret.
Damn nikkki for getting here first... she didn't leave me anything new to say...oh well,you'll just have to listen to (umm...read) the same compliments all over again in slightly different words.
"Black as death in this night. Blue as the bruises from my touch. But which one is my color, I have never cared so much."
i love that stanza, it's such a wonderful example of all things creative. I love the way you used colors. Nikkki's right, they help paint a mental image of the stanza.
Agian, Nikkki's got the right idea, i dont agree with that other commentor either... you are deep, like a well... a really deep well. A deep, super-talented, wonderful well that should come to the Thirty Seconds to Mars concert with me and Nikkki on Halloween. (sybliminal message... i thinnk not!)
ok, i've told you how great you are, im gonna go now before you get concieted.
I disagree with the last commentor. I think it IS "really all that deep" and the metaphors you've used to make this piece work are NOT a bit weak to me and could NOT use another setting. I love this. It's so sad and dark and gloomy and gorgeous. Why do you always ask me "How do you do it?" You should know. You do it too. You're so talented that it's ridiculous, damn it. I like all the colors you used to describe stuff. It helps ya picture it better, you know?
I think the end might be my favorite part (though its hard to pick). It's interesting how something about ugliness can be so pretty.
You're awesome. But why are you sad enough to write such sad things? Not that that's bad. You're lucky. I wish I was sad. I've had no inspiration since I've found peace and happiness and all that shit. I hate it. It's like the song says, "Fear for the best and hope for the worst." But I'm sure something will bring me down soon enough (I hope).
Crap. The pop-ups are back. Fuck!!! (haha I beat the censor)
ughm.... that's quite some ugly awakening. The reality behind this situation is always so frustrating to deal with that we can't always accept certain things as they are because it's so ugly. But we have to realize that what may be ugly on the surface isn't always so. Still, the truth behind all this awakening can confuse the mind, the soul and the spirit. It does to me sometimes.
In terms of the piece itself, it's not really all that deep and the metaphors you've used to make this piece work is a bit weak to me and could use another setting. I don't know, it doesn't really fit with me all that much. It's a great idea but i just didn't feel that you pushed that much efforet into it.
Still, i did enjoy reading it. I hope we meet again soon. Do take care.... ~Irina
Hello, I treally liked this poem, I saw it as a confussing relationship with yourself, torn between what's right and wrong, good and bad. When it comes down to it it's all relative. I really like your writing style, Keep it up, TY, Twice
If you get a chance come and check out my page, I could really use some critique (I've only been writing for 2 weeks so be honest)