My soul is my own! (revised) by Poetic

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Submission Name: My soul is my own! (revised) dots

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Author:	Poetic
ASL Info:	21/Female/Texas
Elite Ratio:	7.94 - 78/39/19
Words:	195

Class/Type:	Poetry/Angry
Total Views:	118
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	1176

Description:

My soul is my own! (revised) dots

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I trusted you with my life,
You were suppose to protect me.
But instead you took something from me,
Something I can never get back.
My innocence and childlike beauty,
And later, my sanity and self-respect.
You raped me of any joy i might have had.
and made it impossible to trust anyone,
For fear of them hurting me...
Hurting me the way you did..
You took away my childhood,
and replaced it with feelings of guilt.
Guilt over something that wasnt my fault,
Something i had no control over.
But even as a little girl,
I hated myself...
more than i hated you.
I've tried so hard to forget,
But when i sleep it crawls through my mind.
Like ants from the nest,
to collect my crumbs of self-worth.
And when the last bit is gone,
I will slip into the nothingness
that my life has become.
Even though I am numb inside,
Oblivious to all feelings..
Good or bad.
I forgive you...
You may have taken my body,
But in the end....
You will NEVER have my soul!

Submitted on 2006-09-20 09:18:52 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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||| Comments |||
Your words have tremendous feeling and envoke in me a profound sadness. Anyone who has suffered at the hands of another will wear scars for a time, but for a child who has not been protected by the one person they trusted most, will wear those scars forever. They will never know the meaning of trust because they will never be able to trust. They trusted that person who inflicted pain...how can they ever trust themselves to trust another? They may go through life thinking they are wrong for not trusting and if they feel, for once, that they are wrong and they learn to trust again, they are catapulted into devestation when that trust is again, broken.

You took away my childhood,
and replaced it with feelings of guilt.
Guilt over something that wasnt my fault,
Something i had no control over.

The above lines speak of someone who has sought help. The lines say that they know it was not their fault but they cannot help themselves for feeling they do; they should have been able to stop it. What if? What if?...the question always seem to go unanswered.

But even as a little girl,
I hated myself...
more than i hated you.

I'm not ashamed to admit that these lines made me cry. Truly a childhood stolen.

I've tried so hard to forget,
But when i sleep it crawls through my mind.
Like ants from the nest,
to collect my crumbs of self-worth.

It seems a strange thing to say to such a sad poem but these lines were strong. They held my attention and I had to think about them before I could move on. The imaginary of the lines and the originality are superb.

Oblivious to all feelings..
Good or bad.
I forgive you...
You may have taken my body,
But in the end....
You will NEVER have my soul!

I'm not sure about the last few lines, to me (and this is just my interpretation) You say 'oblivious to all feelings....
But isn't forgiveness more about feelings than words? We can say we forgive, especially when it makes us the better person which we all want to think we are when we have been wronged, but it's easy to verbalise these words and less easy to feel it within.

The last three lines, I would perhaps change them to;

You may have used my body
but when the end is here....
You will never have my soul.

I think it's always hard to reply to poems such as this because it comes straight from the heart and the will to be as inoffensive as possible, is huge. I hope you don't read my comments as criticism, they are anything but I can assure you. Your poem is well written, deep and very sad.

Take care. Mel.
| Posted on 2006-09-20 00:00:00 | by litllost | [ Reply to This ]
I hate knowing that someone has suffered such a traumatic experience; but unfortunately it's a story that rings true to lots of people. I really wish that these kinds of memories, those thoughts, I wish they would go away. But I know they stick. And the way you expressed just what It is that sticks in your head, in your heart, almost on your skin; kind of like being dirty, or not worthy of some people, because you've been tainted. And even though,you did nothing wrong, it's your fault...
Well yeah,anyway, you really got your points across well and I hope that this kind of thing will soon come to an end... I know this isn't so, as the world is quite screwed up, but I still hold hope that it Might happen less...Maybe...
Sorry... I kind of got caught up in my own thoughts. I know I didn't say much about your write, but it really was excellent. Emotionally it got me, on a really deep level. But ummm...Well that's all I can say. I'm going to check again later for more from you... Very nicely expressed.
| Posted on 2006-09-30 00:00:00 | by stefhy | [ Reply to This ]

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