It is a grim cold day
for a long empty procession.
So few have come
for all the people he saved.
He was unsung in life
and is now Forgotten in death.
His squad have come.
Stoic as always.
They make her uncomfortable
just as they always have done.
It is their fault and they know
that she knows
that they are to blame.
No one but her stands uncovered
from the sheets of heavy rain.
She no longer feels the cold
soaking though her skin.
Her future is gone
and only blankness remains.
The funeral is nearly over
but no one has said a word.
They whisper of heroism
and unforgettable service
but his replacement is already hired
and his uniform discarded.
She thinks to herself as they leave,
His life was not heroically spent
but foolishly wasted.
For his brilliant, daring
brave and defiant
Last Stand.
well, i think the last stanse was probably my facvorite beucase out of all of them it flowed the best. Your content is good, but your rythum and flow is a little off. Also, in the second sentence you have some tenses off, like have in the first (second?) line probably should be has, it just fits a little better. Its not a bad poem at all, i just think, from looking at your other work you cna do better at makeing it flow and fit together better. But the content and idea is great. This wouldnt be a directly personal matter would it? Because if it is, i am very sorry. ~Shadow
Submission Name: mourning (part 2)
