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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: My Shaken Worlddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Soulraven
    ASL Info:    31/Male/Illinois
    Elite Ratio:    4.05 - 510/481/142
    Words: 104
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 993
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 672



    Description:
       I hope you like


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    dotsMy Shaken Worlddots
    -------------------------------------------


    My little world begins to shake.
    With the revealing of selfish mistakes.
    Suffocating the need to breathe.
    I sit here painfully festering with disease.
    Maybe I was stupid and nave.
    Or just needed something in which to believe.
    I am suspended in the air by thorn brambles.
    Piercing my brain it scrambles.
    Now, crumbling everything I hoped for and once adored.
    Someday Ill break through this cocoon and stop being ignored.
    For right now Im just crying for the rain.
    To take away all my sorrows and the pain.
    My love falls away it seems.
    A love that lives only in my dreams.




    Submitted on 2004-01-27 15:25:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      nice flow but i need closure, good idea i just missed something
    | Posted on 2004-01-28 00:00:00 | by brokenbatman | [ Reply to This ]
      nice flow man, i love how this one discribes everything, gr8 job
    | Posted on 2004-01-27 00:00:00 | by Trystam | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this. "I am suspended in the air by thorn brambles". Great line. Some of the lines are a bit clich, but the overall feel is nice.
    | Posted on 2004-01-27 00:00:00 | by kblyric | [ Reply to This ]


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