Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: My Deathdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: rememberplaydoh
    Elite Ratio:    4.21 - 78/102/60
    Words: 107
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 843
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 830



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy Deathdots
    -------------------------------------------


    You are my death,
    you're my suicide,
    effectively drawing
    the life from my veins.

    From the moment your fangs
    entered my flesh
    and my "crimson waters"
    flowed "into your inlet."

    I've succumbed to your will,
    you're power's complete.
    You suck out my lifeblood
    leaving naught but my shell.

    Inside, I grow empty,
    and cold, and lifeless,
    but somehow I'm warm
    dying here in your arms.

    I'm losing myself
    my mind, life, and body.
    I cry out to you
    but you're not really there.

    Now slowly I'm fading
    like the warmth from your body.
    You're drawing away,
    leaving me here to die.




    Submitted on 2006-09-21 12:34:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      not my favorite...the subject matter is totally played out...everything about vampires has been written already, so when i read a piece about vampires it sounds like any other piece...and i'm left wanting...
    the write itself had some good images i will admit...
    loosing should be losing...
    all in all it was ok...it wasn't a bad write don't get me wrong, but...if you want to improve this piece, you'll have to add more to it, or change it a bit...go on this page and find vampire pieces and see what they're about, and then try to write something completely different...
    | Posted on 2006-09-21 00:00:00 | by was_i_ever_real | [ Reply to This ]
      wow this is truly a pwerfull peice of art i like they way you decribed being drained of your life
    its dark sad and powerfull a brilliant combination

    this is my favorite stanza

    Inside, I grow empty,
    and cold, and lifeless,
    but somehow I'm warm
    dying here in your arms

    from what i get from this peice is that your being drained by someone you love but you dont want to leave because you love this person so much and so you choose to have your soul die as long as the last remaining thing you see is that person. its sounds like you a truly devoted soul. if im rightmay i give a bit of advice if you truly love this person then show it to that person that your being hurt and if that peroson truly loves you then she will change her way or a least start trying although it might not seem like allot if you work hard and your other works just as hard on the relationship then the once dead end that you thought your life will become a highway love is a powerfull thing. but if im compleatly wrong and compleatly misunderstood the meaning of this peice then im teribly sorry for taking up your time and consuming space where valid responses could have been.
    i hope things turn out for the best

    -the poet
    | Posted on 2006-09-21 00:00:00 | by runaway_poet | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    118936

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Blinded by Sight written by Torie
    your truest people written by Daniel Barlow
    Untitled: June 24, 2018 written by homeless
    TSC written by rev.jpfadeproof
    The Phoenetians and Us written by Torie
    Chèvrefeuille written by rev.jpfadeproof
    'Cause You're Mine, I Walk the Line. written by Torie
    Eyes written by homeless
    Post Naturalism written by cornonthekob
    After a Dream written by KeeperOfLight
    April 1, 2018 written by homeless
    rimbaudian reverie written by CrypticBard
    trish trillion written by Daniel Barlow
    burning confusion written by cornonthekob
    Don't Tell Me You Love Me written by homeless
    X written by homeless
    Would You... written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Two written by homeless
    Untitled - May 14, 2017 written by homeless
    Confessions and shit... written by Daniel Barlow
    Wisp of You written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Outside the Chain written by Wolfwatching
    Reveled Night written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Blank Page written by Chelebel
    Untitled 2 written by homeless
    More written by homeless
    Moon and Me written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Jar (working title) written by rev.jpfadeproof
    coping mechanism written by cornonthekob
    BlackBerry Bushes written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry