Reflections of an MRI -------------------------------------------
Trapped in A Metallic Coffin
My Body Aches but yet I Cannot Move
Mysterious Sounds Echo Through my Ears
Creating A Rhythm
Like No Soul has Ever Heard Before
Words Come to my Mind
And the Song is Repeated
Again and Again
Until Reborn Life is Born
I Take A Deep Breath and Relax
Body Frozen Solid
Waiting for the Time
When I may Release the Air Filled in my Lungs
And Walk Freely Among the Earth Once Again
As my Time Ends
I Rise From the Coffin
Exiting From Its Shell I Scream Loudly
Begging To Be Returned to the Rhythm Filled Chamber
A Place Where Peacefullness Finally Roams Free
Wow. This makes me think of all of the tests that my Mother has had. She has had uteran cancer, stroke, Multiple Sclerosis and she's still kicking. I am ever so grateful that she is still with me, because I know that things could be alot worse. I never really thought about it this way though. Thank you for this great read and great write!
I've never had an MRI, but my little brother has had quite a few MRI's and X-rays and brain scans. He has a brain shunt, and has been through about 38 surgeries from the time he was a premature baby. I can only imagine what he felt like, going through things like that.
What's really funny is that right now my dad is on the phone talking about getting an MRI to check for a spine problem; he's really claustrophobic and would not look forward to it if he ends up having to take one.
"My Body aches but yet I Cannot Move"
I know what that feels like! When I was younger my whole family used to sleep in on room. My dad was always sensitive to any movement when he's trying to sleep. If one of us children would turn over or whatever, he'd yell, " LAY STILL AND GO TO SLEEP!" What he doesn't know is that it's impossible to sleep when you have to lay perfectly still, getting hot as hades under the covers and longing for him to go to sleep so you can finally twitch and kick off your socks and scratch all the itches that are driving you past the reach of sanity.
The only critique I have is that you said, "but yet". This is repetitive as they mean pretty much the same thing, so you only need to say, "but" or "yet".
"Mysterious Sounds Echo Through my Ears
Creating A Rhythm
Like No Soul has Ever Heard Before
Words Come to my Mind
And the Song is Repeated
Again and Again
Until Reborn Life is Born"
It's funny how when you're alone and isolated, the more still you have to sit, the more your mind moves around. It's probably because your mind is always in motion, but you never notice it as much as when you have to be still.
I'm really not sure how I would do in an MRI machine. I can get claustrophobic but I'm also pretty accustomed to being in uncomfortable positions and I've learned to tolerate it. I'm also crowed all the time by a small house with three bedrooms, a family of six, a huge Doberman, a Border Collie with slight OCD, and three birds, one of which hates my guts. I've also been in a lot of hospitals, not for myself, but for my little brother, so medical equipment is not foreign to me. After taking one I'd probably be like, "That was nothing!"
I was a bit confused by the ending; you seemed to be uncomfortable inside the machine, but when you had to come out you wanted to go back in. I guess peace comes in funny disguises, huh?
Well, it's good to read your work, and it's really good to finally comment again! I'll be reading more of it and giving you a few more comments.
I really like his word, but I hate MRIs, they are sooo frustrating. And of course because you've gotta be still you immediately get a twitch in your knee, or an uncontrollable urge to move. Its worse if you've got OCD, you could go mental in there.
Ahhh, yes. The MRI. I had one of these a while back for my back. -.-" I couldn't move at all for almost an hour and I kept itching and feeling like I was twitching and messing things up. Thankfully my mom was the one running the machine at the time (she does it for a living) so in between scans she told me and I could move my arms and shoulders just a bit. Towards the end though, my ponytail holder started getting really irritating, it felt like a nail being slowly driven into theback of my head. x.x
This reminds me so much of when i had an mri of my brain. it was like being in a coffin because you can't move. I could really relate to this. It was great! keep writing...
STAY STRONG
p.s if you get a chance check out some of my poems, i think we have a lot in common in our writing styles
Wow. Thank goodness I didn't read this BEFORE I had an MRI. lol I would have been so scared. I wasn't thinking of "A Metallic Coffin" while I was in there. They gave me headphones and I listened to Papa Roach lol I really love all the descriptions. And the end couldn't be more perfect.
I'm sure a lot of people can relate to this one.
Hmm... why is it that I never have anything negative to say about the stuff you write? You are just too darn talented
I think this is another good one. The details are geat, I can see it all happening as if I'm there in the MRI. I felt your wording was wonderful. And the ending was perfect. You realized for that short time you truely had peace from the world. Great work again Ron!
This is a good write about your MRI experience. It is really strange to be encased in there like that. I had a MRI done when I hurt my knee and was in that machine for over 20 minutes, it felt like eternity. Isnt funny how when you know you are not suppose to move, you get an itch on your nose, or feel like you have to sneeze, or an itch on your foot that just gets worse and worse hee hee!! It's the mind having fun with you while your stuck in there motionless haha! I was fascinated by all the weird noises that were going on around me in there. And of course you cant help but think about it like it was a coffin. They tell you to just close your eyes and relax but I couldnt help but look around. I said to myself, this is what a coffin would feel like. Now they have the open MRI where you dont have to go completely into the machine. It didnt bother me a bit but some people who are claustrophobic cannot stand it and they freak out. This is an interesting look at the MRI experience, especially the ending where you just want to go back in there. Haha! Reminds me of a newborn baby who comes out screaming like "no, no please, put me back in!!!" hahahahahha!!! Oh, I had fun reading and commenting on this one. Good stuff. I'll be back to check out your other new one as well.
I lived through that particular experience myself just a month ago; it was scary to feel trapped and lying there at the mercy of others; no way to get out by yourself, brrrrrr.
A very good idea to write about, and very well written.
What a good idea for a write. I am sure that many are able to relate to this feeling. My friend just went through this about a month ago. I do not think it was the experience itself that was so scarey as was the news he recieved afterwards. A brain toomer and now he is in the process of finding out how doctors plan on helping him and wondering if everything will go well during surgery.
Hmm, I dunno about this, I like it because having had an MRI done before I know what it feels like to be intombed(sp?) in the metal case that is the machine, luckily for me they were just checking out my knee but it was scary inthere none the less. I certainly didn't want go back in after it anyway which was the part I didn't like about your poem, I was certainly happy to get out.
Hmmmm...this one is very interesting. I like how if you don't read the title it almost sounds like you're writing about death...which the MRI could tell you that you are dying...so it's a nice connected feeling, whether it was intentional or not.
anyways...my class is almost over...but I'll come back and add more to my comment later...
Course i understand the scream upon your exiting form the MRI ,but I'm not sure other readers will, so even though this is a good piece Ron, I thought that for others it might seem and unfinished line or thought, but then I could be wrong there, anyway it is a good piece, thank the lord I've never have had to be in that machine, I've been told its scary, and your piece seems to say as much also, anyway keep up the writes take care adnil
Submission Name: Reflections of an MRI
Oh, I had fun reading and commenting on this one. Good stuff. I'll be back to check out your other new one as well.