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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Life's Basicsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Imaginth
    Elite Ratio:    5.18 - 43/50/19
    Words: 59
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1160
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 550



    Description:
       I am making you think.
    Every line means something.
    Figure it out yourself.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLife's Basicsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Begin alone.

    Head aching
    fingers shaking.
    Raw mind
    eyes blind.

    Tuned out
    no doubt.
    Lost love
    single shove.

    Fake reality
    mental brutality.
    Single hope
    long rope.

    White lie
    night sky.
    No fear
    nothing’s clear.

    Bottled inside
    wasted pride.
    A life
    much strife.

    Useless soul
    burning coal.
    Stories end
    cruel friend.

    End alone.




    Submitted on 2006-09-21 15:46:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
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    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      your style is definitely darker. which is not a bad thing, to each his own. i don't have much to say about the style, it's minimalistic but it tells the reader everything they need to know. as far as feedback the only issue is with two places that read a little awkward for me.
    first
    Lost love
    single shove.

    you said in your description that you want us to think when we read it but 'single shove' leaves me lost no matter how i look at it.

    actually now that i look at the second place i don't even have anything to say because while i think its awkward i don't have any suggestion on how to fix it so nevermind.

    it's a good write i think you have a lot of potential. i also think your writing will shall we say 'brighten up' in time. people [censored] about angst on ES but i think the best writers write stories that don't end in happily ever after. take care
    | Posted on 2007-08-17 00:00:00 | by Alize | [ Reply to This ]
      I love how this is put together, because a lot of times in poetry it's more about what you don't tell than what you do tell. I love things that make you think and ponder. This represents to me something that I meditate quite often, because last year seemed to be a sort of awakening to me. It's when the fact the the world can be cruel appeared to me in all its blaring glory and reality. After a few months I also learned to accept it, and I fondly remember when I thought I would sprout wings and be a fairy like Thumbelina someday. I think that's my only problem with this. It doesn't feel happy enough, but that's just kind of me. I'm a very lalalala happy lets party kind of person, and from what I've seen in your writing, you seem to be generally happy but probably a bit darker than me and therefore your style is darker, which is not any better or worse, just different from how I would have done this concept.

    ok so after erasing all the fluff it boils down to this.

    ~Love the wording
    ~Love the meaning
    ~I relate/understand
    ~I like fairies
    ~Good job.

    Keep writing, kudos.
    ~Venia
    | Posted on 2007-04-12 00:00:00 | by Venia | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, I'm speechless.

    This was really well written. I liked how you could use so few words and still have such a great poem.

    Thank you for letting me read this one!

    | Posted on 2007-04-03 00:00:00 | by lhflowers | [ Reply to This ]
      A nice take on life!

    I like the rhythmic sequencing and how it's delivered descriptively in short bursts of two worded lines and loses nothing in the conveyence!

    Very nice writing style!
    | Posted on 2006-12-20 00:00:00 | by danativ | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow...

    *sits stunned*

    Incredibly well written...I love how you used a minimal number of words to convey so much emotion. It's like we get the story of a whole romance, and it's end, in just 59 words... And you managed to find rhyming words..! Not easily done....it takes a real poet. *muses*

    All I can say is, "Bravo! Excellent job! I only wish I had your skill...."

    Thank you for the great read,
    ~Doh
    | Posted on 2006-09-23 00:00:00 | by rememberplaydoh | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    12. Does it feel original?



    118957

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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