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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: **Emotionally Damageddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Caotic_Disaster
    ASL Info:    16/F/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    4.03 - 447/349/148
    Words: 74
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 648
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 492



    Description:
       I wrote this during history class. We were watching All id Quiet on the Western Front. It inspired me to write this poem on World War I and I have a couple others, but I'm unsure about posting them cuz there bad


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots**Emotionally Damageddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Can the wounded ever be healed?
    Maybe physically but what about their emotions?
    Reliving the countless hours, days, years
    Stuck in a ditch
    Filled with water and endless misery,
    Rats so big from the sweet, human flesh,
    And sickness caused by uncleaned socks
    Bombs constantly flying overhead
    And the smell of death facing you
    Eye to eye.
    Can these emotions be washed away
    Or will they be living til the day they die?




    Submitted on 2006-09-21 16:23:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Wow, you write a lot in history class. Heehee. Anyways, this was really interesting and sad. It is depressing to see just how badly soliders are treated. The worst part is that we all just concentrate on history, when even in present day, similar conditions prevail, often even during peaceful times. Anyways, this was a thoughtful dedication to all those who suffered in those dreadful trenches.




    Abbas
    | Posted on 2006-09-24 00:00:00 | by abuzzbuzz92 | [ Reply to This ]
      Its a good write for pointing out the issue directly but bad in that it could have been done mroe solidly and lacks quite a bit of flow, Great subject, and quite well done concidering the few mistakes I found.

    If you like this kinda topic read



    by me:

    Memories of a soldier

    and

    Belly of the beast
    | Posted on 2006-09-21 00:00:00 | by obsidiandreams | [ Reply to This ]
      Those emotions will never go away
    Every person I know that has been involved in a war of some kind changes
    Something that I cant explain happens to them emotionally
    I dont think they are ever the same
    I have seen very strong men cry for new reason simply because something reminded them of World war 2
    Personally I dont think War is the answer to anything
    All it does is cause more problems
    The oicture you used for this write matched it very well
    God Bless
    Ron

    I have just put up 2 new writes onmmy page Please if you get a chance let me know what you think
    Thank You
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-09-21 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      Maybe you could call this Shellshocked.

    I saw a theatrical version of All Quiet on the Western Front earlier this year in Nottingham, England. It was intersting how they made it work with one set and a small cast (who often played several characters).

    I think you could easily find a synonym for emotions, so that you don't have to repeat it in so brief a work.

    With never ending misery
    Rats so big from the sweet, human flesh
    And sickness caused by uncleaned socks
    Can these emotions be washed away
    Or will they be living til the day they die?

    I think jumping from rats to sickness is too big of a leap. Maybe put something in there about the trenches being wet and cold. I also think that you ignore so much. Sure there was gangrene (I think that's to what you were referring anyway), but in WWI there were also chemical weapons, machine guns, planes, etc. that were all new to warfare, so it just seems like you ignore so much because those things had to be insanely frightening. (There was also the influenza epidemic). I know you mean the emotions being alive until the soldiers die in the last line, but I don't think it works: it sounds a little too obvious. To be all annoying, "neverending" is one word, and 'til should have an apostrophe because it's a clipping of until.

    This has potential,
    Amy
    | Posted on 2006-09-22 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]


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