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    dots Submission Name: **Unlived Lifedots

    Author: Caotic_Disaster
    ASL Info:    16/F/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    4.03 - 447/349/148
    Words: 47
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 627
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 286

       A poem composed during history class..just like my other one written before this..i dont think it has a title yet.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots**Unlived Lifedots

    He went off to war
    Thinking it brave
    Not prepared for the unmarked path
    That lay ahead
    A path that would lead
    Back home or to Death
    Life sped up
    And lived in misery
    Til the day God discovered
    He had an extra pair of wings.

    Submitted on 2006-09-21 16:26:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      i love this poem. its just realy realy good i dont know what else to say.

    | Posted on 2006-10-09 00:00:00 | by draconus | [ Reply to This ]
      Ooh, I liked this one. It captures just how sad and AVOIDABLE war is. It is unfortunate that thousands of soliders have died in seperate wars, and many of them did not even get proper funeral services and were often laid on the battlefeild to rest. Personally, I think it is their fault. If no one joined the army, then war could easily be avoided. I guess it would be difficult to disarm the world, but any how, what you wrote was good.

    | Posted on 2006-09-24 00:00:00 | by abuzzbuzz92 | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm not too sure about "A path that would lead to/ Life or Death." I guess I feel like life is implied if he doesn't die, and I also think you repeat path and life in too close proximity. I think you could revise this to avoid that. "Life or Death" are just so often together that it's overused. I think something like "home or death" might work better. I love the last two lines "Til the day God discovered/ He had a pair of extra wings." That's very evocative.

    I hope all is well,
    | Posted on 2006-09-22 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]

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