Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Take Awaydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: loveofpoetry
    ASL Info:    20/female/New York
    Elite Ratio:    2.2 - 21/40/70
    Words: 198
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 465
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1160



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTake Awaydots
    -------------------------------------------


    You hurt me so bad
    Why did you have to do this to me
    I don't deserve this pain
    I want to be happy
    I don't want to cry
    Take away this pain
    I have a secret that I'm holding from you
    Can I ever take away my pain
    My head is spinning so fast
    I don't know what to think anymore
    You said you loved me
    Why did you have to lie
    I can't take away my love
    My mom told me to watch who I love
    I guess I wasn't watching good enough
    Everytime I turn around
    I see you standing there
    Why don't you just leave me be
    So I can move on without seeing you
    I want you out of my life
    I told myself I didn't love you
    But I lied to myself just to be sad
    Just take it all away
    I don't need this anymore
    I feel like I want to die
    But I'm telling myself
    Your not worth my pain
    I'm sitting here in my classroom
    Trying to get you out of my head
    Take away my thoughts
    Throw them all away
    There goes my last tear over you




    Submitted on 2006-09-21 16:33:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      well first off the poem needs to be spaced out. Without th e spacing there is a hard to say on the flow. I am in and out to where the flow is need to be taken place.

    The poem seems at first glance just another heartbreak poem. You can change that by adding neatness with spacing
    | Posted on 2006-09-21 00:00:00 | by Evil Jesture | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    118963

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry