Description: Something I wrote just for fun tonight. I would love some ideas on how to brush it up a bit.
Half of Everything -------------------------------------------
Why it had come down to this
Parting our ways now
Dividing up what belong to us both
Letting go and starting over
You left with someone else in hand
I was there questioning why
How did I not see it coming
What form of closure could be the best
The idea came to me one evening
Half of everything was fair
How you got yours and I mine
Was the most important part of it all
You said that everything should have a price
This with out a doubt I did agree
The appraiser came and stamped it all
Right down to the petty, right to the wall
I wanted nothing but this I did not say
For I took mine in damage
No matter what the cost
Fifty to me was all that was lost
You see I gained fifty in a different way
In a way that seemed so sweet
Nothing for her and nothing for you
For I had a number that I could go too
I took some bolts, smashed some lights
Grabbed the battery and two tires
Left your wires but I wanted mine cut
If she needs moved you better get a tow
Only the cords off the appliances
Very generous I know
Chair legs and table tops
So much else to get through
Nothing was left together, just like us
Things can not be put back
Now matter how hard you try
Mine is at the dump, and you wonder why
Why did I give up my half of everything
We decided everything was to be fair
So we both paid the price with a loss
And we did it for something new
yeah, i like the message -- you did lose half yourself in the thing but you gained a new perspective or something. i dunno. this seemed to have some hidden messages in there. i liked it. i read it a few times. at the end i don't think you were talking about losing your half at all. or the fact that the dude was somewhat materialistic. or the fact that none of material things you halved would ever compensate for the half of your heart that he took away or something. there was more to it than just the mere break up -- at least that's what i felt. but i guess every reader gives the writer's (or someone in the field of artistic expression) work a different life. in the process making it something that's very personal to the reader. this was something to think bout. good stuff. very good stuff.
This was a sad story but kind of cute. I got a laugh out of the part by cutting everything in half. Your description was very well put in this piece, almost to the point making me want to go cut something in half. A very creative picture you painted with words. I hope “she” (the one the story Is about) was able to move on. Good job with this piece, I enjoyed the read. Good luck with all your writing
Submission Name: Half of Everything
