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    dots Submission Name: emotionsdots

    Author: Vampiric Death
    Elite Ratio:    2.27 - 133/159/91
    Words: 297
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 607
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1853


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    we hide them from others,
    like a dirty secret.
    we lie to ourselves,
    pretending we dont have them.
    telling ourselves what we feel
    is really temptation.
    not telling anyone we feel anything at all.
    we tell ourselves anger is really the devil,
    acting through us, sealing our fates.
    when we're sad,
    we're just feelin sick.
    if we start crying,
    we have something in our eyes.
    when we're in love,
    we tell our mind its in control.
    when we're ashamed,
    we blame it on others.
    when we feel crazy,
    we let our hearts take over.
    But no matter what we do,
    they're hidden in our movements.
    giving tell-tale clues on how we're feeling.
    an open door
    to the mysteries of our hearts.
    all those who seek to know how we feel
    have only to listen
    to our movements and words,
    as if they were music
    coming from our hearts.
    as if they were orchastras,
    playing through all time.
    it never crosses our minds
    that we may feel something
    other than the nothings
    we tell everyone else.
    all the time we hide them
    they build up inside us
    filling our hearts
    like water in a bucket
    every once in a while
    we have to empty that bucket
    whether on paper,through actions,
    or confession to God.
    cause if we don't,
    we can lose our tempers, our minds,
    and all that we hold dear.
    whether you believe me or not
    is up to you
    deny it all you can,
    my words hold truth.
    we all have them.
    they are our actions, our words,
    and our thoughts.
    They are our:

    Submitted on 2006-09-22 09:15:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      How true it is and how much of a shame it is that it's true!!! Really well written.xxx
    | Posted on 2007-02-22 00:00:00 | by wilted_flower | [ Reply to This ]
      You have conveyed this subject perfectly. So many writers try to put the different sections of this huge, but simple topic into words, and many succeed, but few write so directly. It's strange how being a stoic is something good. It isn't really, and I learned that through first person experience. My poems 'Pain' and 'My Story' will tell you, if you care to know.

    After that, I realised that t isn't good to be a stoic. It is truly a blessing to be able to shed tears, to be able to scream out your feelings until your lungs ache. I envy those who's emotions are held on their sleeves, and scold myself for keeping mine locked beneath layers of understanding of the situation.

    However, that is how I am, and I have tried since what happened to let go of my feelings every once in a while, to let people know what I think of them. It's hard because apart from being a sixteen-year-old habit, hiding my feelings is something I have inherited from my father. Still, I am trying and others have been helpful enough as well. In truth there are people to listen, we just aren't speaking.

    That aside, I feel it my duty to comment on layout. The poem is a long one, so I do not ask you to leave more spaces, but capitolisation and correct punctuation have a greater affect than you may at first think. Make your sentances clear, mark your points, it will emphasise the wise thoughts you have put out to us. A quick revision is all that is required.

    | Posted on 2006-10-10 00:00:00 | by DeepDreamer2008 | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, I couldn't have said it better myself. Bravo! I think that this was very good, and though I can't stay on the computer much longer, I'm looking forward to reading your work, and hopefully searching for inspiration.
    | Posted on 2006-10-08 00:00:00 | by Twisted | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked what you had to say in this piece. I think that It would do your write some justice to break it up a bit. Also, the ending...if you really feel the need to put the last 2 lines in there, that's obviously up to you. But, I do believe that your poem says what you don't need to point out at the end. I think it would sound just fine to leave it at just

    they are our actions, our words,
    and our thoughts.

    I'd leave it at that. But, that's just personal preference I suppose. You really want your words to say it. Your title also says everything. You did a great job of describing all emotions though.

    | Posted on 2006-10-06 00:00:00 | by dreamweaver | [ Reply to This ]
      Very realitic and still poetic. I am personally a very emtional person and I hate hiding my emotions. That's a very broad topic you chose but you knew how to deal with it.
    | Posted on 2006-09-23 00:00:00 | by Porcelaine | [ Reply to This ]
      A good write with a perfect title. You were able to explain so many emotions with this. I guess if I had one suggestion for you it would be to find a line scheme. The way you have the words set up is not that pleasing to the eye.

    You might want to add up all the lines and then divide them by an even or odd number..... for example ... If you had 21 you could have 3 lines of 7 or 7 lines of 3. If the number doesn't work either add a line or do (4:4:3:4:4:3) What ever you might choose just makes sure that everything flows in that stanza.

    | Posted on 2006-09-22 00:00:00 | by mon28 | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice write,it was put together smartly. I like the way you put it out there...

    "they build up inside us
    filling our hearts
    like water in a bucket
    every once in a while
    we have to empty that bucket
    whether on paper,through actions,
    or confession to God."

    I love that part most,cause that's exacty what we do... Awesome work,write on.

    | Posted on 2006-09-22 00:00:00 | by pixie_007 | [ Reply to This ]
      i think it is good, my only suggestion is to try to edit a bit and summarize.
    | Posted on 2006-09-22 00:00:00 | by devoted_dozer | [ Reply to This ]

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