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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Edgedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: spacedoutboy
    ASL Info:    22/M/Il
    Elite Ratio:    3.09 - 32/48/23
    Words: 169
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 839
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1187



    Description:
       This is a poem about my personal expeiriences with cutting. It was originally about someone I know being addicted to heroin, but I decided to change directions with it, so I altered it greatly. I wasn't happy with the way "Death by "H" turned out, but I will revise it and repost it, as soon as I'm happy with it. But this poem has been something I've needed channel out for awhile. It's my personal favorite from my archive. So enjoy.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Edgedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Kiss on The Edge
    Now draw up the lines
    Dividing my chances
    Unwilling divine
    The flow of corrosion
    The shame of pride
    Just give me a kiss
    And I'll make you mine

    When you are here
    I feel no fear
    I feel no pain
    I shed no tears

    Try to cut out the past
    And you'll feel the burn
    Happiness passed over
    Lessons left unlearned
    The ugliness felt
    The innervision that's built
    When the cold steel warmth
    Becomes the bitter/sweet filth

    I pass through the plains
    To the ugly remains
    To drive out the demons
    All the misery and shame
    My feelings deprived
    On your kiss I rely
    Even when I'm dead
    You make me feel so alive

    It's such a tragety
    How I pretend you are my best friend
    When you are my worst enemy
































    Submitted on 2006-09-22 15:34:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i like the new one version alot better than the last. it's very descriptive and graphic. you keep getting better.
    | Posted on 2007-04-17 00:00:00 | by black widow | [ Reply to This ]
      I love that.
    Most self-mutilation poems are pretty much the same, these days, but there's something different about this.
    You really have a way with words and you describe it perfectly.
    It even made me sad... I guess because I can relate better than I want to.
    I mean, I like blood, but I don't think I should.

    I usually like to point out my favorite part, but I'd end up copying and pasting the whole thing.
    You have a lot of talent.

    Sorry I can't give you any constructive criticism. I wouldn't change anything about it.

    Okay, I just decided that I am now a fan

    Wonderfully done
    -nikkki
    | Posted on 2006-10-09 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]
      yea, cutting writes (in my opinion) can get a lot more intense then drug-related ones. It does suck though either way; to see someone you care about feel the need to get away so horribly that they'd cut or do anything that would harm themselves......or if you are that person. I've cut before....well I've been trying to stop but that's another story altogether. reading this I'm going to guess that you do or have cut before? I won't do a complete line for line but I'll pick out a few
    'The shame of pride
    Just give me a kiss
    And I'll make you mine'
    I really loved those lines; they just sort of called out to me b/c I guess I sort of felt like I had been thinking them before. I remember one of my poems had a line "glancing at these scars with equal pride and shame, staring at the blade but I'm the only one to blame" cause sometimes I do just hate seeing all of the scars but other times I can smile just looking at them; I'm weird though ;).
    "When you are hear
    I feel no fear
    I feel no pain
    I shed no tears"
    this isn't a huge deal but unless you were doing some play on words that I missed I think you meant 'here' not 'hear', but this was probably my favorite part b/c sometimes when you have no one else the blade just 'being there' can mean so much.
    'The cold steal warmth
    Becomes the bitter/sweet filth'
    I think that was the part of this poem that made me most sure you had cut before; who else but a cutter could describe the burning slashes in such a second-nature reference? which is personally a good thing because it gives the write a more intense edge that comes from having experienced it yourself too.
    "Even when I'm dead
    You make me feel so alive"
    you had a lot of good lines but these were just amazing in how true they were; I remember one time a friend of mine (he has never cut before and probably never will) saw a few of my scars and asked me why I did that and (honestly he actually said this -_-) "do you know you can die?" and I just told him that i was more likely to feel alive while cutting then the rest of the time.....anyway enough rambling, all in all I loved this write; I look forward to reading a lot more from you soon
    (if you have yahoo, msn or aim you should hit me up sometime; u seem really kewl)
    peace,
    ~jess



    | Posted on 2006-09-23 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
      although you haven't finished this, it is good so far. could be left as it is.
    i have no personal experience of this, so its hard to comment on the topic, except to say it sounds exactly as i'd imagine it to be. pretty horrific.
    but the poem itself, the structure and wot-not, which is what we're really meant to comment on anyway, is great. i see no grammar mistakes. and it reads nice and steady. all hunky-dory.
    another good poem from you.
    keep 'em comin',
    whirl**
    | Posted on 2006-09-22 00:00:00 | by whirl | [ Reply to This ]
      Gotchya!!
    loving this. you have a great talent, how long have you been writing? just being nosey.
    i can still feel the horror associated with this. it really is scary. i can't imagine whats it's like to watch someone throw themselves away.
    this is great stuff, my only gripe would be that it ended so abruptly. guess i was kinda hankering for more.
    i can't wait to see more from you,
    whirl**
    p.s mind if i stalk ya??
    | Posted on 2006-09-23 00:00:00 | by whirl | [ Reply to This ]
      I can't relate to the cutting but I know what its like to be in your friends shoes. I'v never cut myself,but drugs I'v done,half of which I can't remember the names of... I guess its kind of hard to go back to those memories (for lack of a better word),you don't see what your doing to yourself and you never really care... All I did was live off it and not give a rat's ass about where I was going with it,I wanted to force out the pain and that was what got the job done,instant painkiller with an added bonus...

    But here's the good news: I'v been clean for almost 3 years and still going strong!

    Pix

    P.S. About the poem :

    "Kiss on The Edge
    Now draw up the lines
    Dividing my chances
    Unwilling divine
    The flow of corrosion"

    When I read that I could almost see you cutting them and how the red flows fom each cut... You did an amazing job on this script. I like.
    | Posted on 2006-09-23 00:00:00 | by pixie_007 | [ Reply to This ]


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