My Will is Tense

Author: lynn marsters ASL Info:    20/f/canada Elite Ratio:    3.41 - 49 /61 /32 Words: 91

Class/Type: Misc /Misc Total Views: 1097 Average Vote:    No vote yet. Bytes: 588

Description:

---

My Will is Tense

---

My will is tense My thoughts unsecured Against the pilfering and thieving masses They who would seek to do me harm No longer gain my fear My desire overwhelms it My will is fading My thoughts are of danger My heart is in it Death Is where my heart lives Dying Is what my soul yearns It attracts me in all aspects A dimly luminous idea Gently bobbing in the ocean Of my mind In a sea of grey Even black is a colour

Submitted on 2006-09-22 16:45:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_< 2: I dunno... 3: meh! 4: Pretty cool 5: Wow!

Comments

Hmmm... I like this, it placates(sp?) me.... I love how you did the 4th stanza, it was very well done... I personally like these darker poems, and this was pretty well written.. the only thing I can think of changing about it would be to maybe add more detail, while trying to keep it short.. but I don't know, that would be hard. Good job, and hope to read more from you! From the Darkest Reflection, >Shadow_Mirror<

| Posted on 2006-09-23 00:00:00 | by Shadow_Mirror | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest. 2. Try not to give only compliments. 3. How did it make you feel? 4. Why did it make you feel that way? 5. Which parts? 6. What distracted from the piece?

7. What was unclear? 8. What does it remind you of? 9. How could it be improved? 10. What would you have done differently? 11. What was your interpretation of it? 12. Does it feel original?

119101