Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: My Will is Tensedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lynn marsters
    ASL Info:    20/f/canada
    Elite Ratio:    3.41 - 49/61/32
    Words: 91
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 933
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 588



    Description:
       this is not a suicide poem


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy Will is Tensedots
    -------------------------------------------


    My will is tense
    My thoughts unsecured
    Against the pilfering and thieving masses

    They who would seek to do me harm
    No longer gain my fear
    My desire overwhelms it

    My will is fading
    My thoughts are of danger
    My heart is in it

    Death
    Is where my heart lives
    Dying
    Is what my soul yearns

    It attracts me in all aspects
    A dimly luminous idea
    Gently bobbing in the ocean
    Of my mind

    In a sea of grey
    Even black is a colour




    Submitted on 2006-09-22 16:45:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Hmmm... I like this, it placates(sp?) me.... I love how you did the 4th stanza, it was very well done... I personally like these darker poems, and this was pretty well written.. the only thing I can think of changing about it would be to maybe add more detail, while trying to keep it short.. but I don't know, that would be hard. Good job, and hope to read more from you!

    From the Darkest Reflection,
    >Shadow_Mirror<
    | Posted on 2006-09-23 00:00:00 | by Shadow_Mirror | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    119101

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry