Time Shall Tell by Ari Leukos

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Submission Name: Time Shall Tell dots

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Author:	Ari Leukos
ASL Info:	17/Male/CA
Elite Ratio:	4.92 - 92/129/44
Words:	155

Class/Type:	Poetry/Longing
Total Views:	162
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	993

Description:
Only time could tell...

Time Shall Tell dots

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Brilliant eyes and a star-borne crown
Seen through my quickly closing eyes
Untold beauty, so dearly missed
Even while in such close of ties

When ‘Time shall tell’ I said to you
What wondrous hopes raged in your heart?
Time-tested, time-broken, and time-renewed
So burst a flame,
From tiny sparks

Her angel’s tongue and laughing sighs
Adorn my dreams with such sweet warmth
I lit in the dusk a flame in hopes
Of capturing that heav’nly star

Soon on my knees to you I’d weep
And glance about in disarray
If what we said could e’er be true
I’d give it now:
My love, away

For Time shall tell, dear to my heart
What comes of smiles and gallant pose
Oh, what countless tales Time shall tell
Once I give to you
What I long so much to give to you
And see in your hands embraced
A single, flawless rose

Submitted on 2006-09-23 12:36:52 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  I really like it. An insight into just a few words, beautifully written, a mastery of the language. I love the end. the rose really stuck out in a story full of words, a phrase in fact, the rose was the object, something your audience could cling to.

I love your writing style, much thicker and juicier then my work ad unique in its own. Honestly there are a few parts where it gets a bit mushed up with the wording (not that I could do any better) Try not to repeat words in a stanza I guess and make sure the words you use 'work' if you know what I mean.

I really love it though. Makes me realize how those words dont only stick out to me. I see it from a diffrent perspective now. Well not really, that was actually exactly what I though upon hearing that phrase, but I never really thought anyone delved so much into it.

Sorry for sounding like an idiot, I was trying to make a comment as long as the past too and still just as comprehensive. Don't think I did a very good job. Oh well.
| Posted on 2006-12-20 00:00:00 | by blankscreen | [ Reply to This ]
  heh, well first off, by God-you're still alive . it has been a while indeed Ari since i've last read any of your works. you were away for some time. perhaps you should stay a bit longer. give me something to look foward to when i open the page to the Elite Posts .

well this piece, quiet and beautiful, light yet firmly spoken. i loved the rhyme scheme and how consistent you were with the rhyme scheme throughout, although i did have a small gripe about the phonetics viz. where your hard and soft consonants fell with respect to the meter, but it was nothing so large as to detract me from the read itself.

and also...i can't quite put my finger on it but...

For Time shall tell, [dear to] my heart
phonetic issue, centering around the the two words in brackets, although i searched and searched but couldn't find a susbstitute to remedy this so *shrugs*. perhaps it could stay as is.

a tale of love, it vices and flaws, not just its beautiful facets, but also the side of Love's face that has been seared by the fires of guttural Passion...

but a rose should tell, as time is only its conduit. sounds as though this might have been written in reflection ona past experience, a past 'love partner' or something akin.

a decent write indeed, and i do look forward to reading more of your works. i might have to see if there's room enough to stalk you again as well.

til next...

Loquacious Mind
| Posted on 2006-09-23 00:00:00 | by Loquacious Mind | [ Reply to This ]
  Im amazed........

Now you see the poem in itself has its beauty but what im mostly amazed by is that at your age you can write so wounderously.

Now lets get to your poem...

I love the style you used. basicly i love the whole things i am reading and rereading to find any flaws but i am glad to say i found none. this is beautiful the imagry is so more mature than what i could expect.

Im in love with what you put here...
"When ‘Time shall tell’ I said to you
What wondrous hopes raged in your heart?
Time-tested, time-broken, and time-renewed
So burst a flame,
From tiny sparks"

I have a lot of respect for laquacious Mind and he was the reason i stumbled across this peice and now im glad i have. It is an honor to read your work hun. this is simply more amazing than most. I will surley add this to my fav.

I really cant stop raving about this. Damn i wish i had the right words to say to you and tell you how this work of art has touched me. This useless comment of mine isnt much but it is all i can do. thank you for posting this.

all the love
nikki

*kisses*
| Posted on 2006-09-23 00:00:00 | by nikita2u | [ Reply to This ]

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