Kaleidoscope by D McDaniel

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Submission Name: Kaleidoscope dots

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Author:	D McDaniel
ASL Info:	60/M/CT
Elite Ratio:	5.57 - 266/222/62
Words:	94

Class/Type:	Poetry/Passion
Total Views:	227
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	636

Description:
She should want to get married. Isn't that what girls do?

Kaleidoscope dots

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Not pleased with her existence…

She stares into her mirror,
and smashes her palm
into the image that is in it.

Claret red blood runs
slowly down to her elbow
and drips onto her dresser.

“What is it?” she thinks aloud.
“What is it that is so special
about my stupid life?”

The multicolored pictures
that she now sees before her
are a beautiful self portrait.

This girl has many facets.
More than his silly diamond,
no, even more than that…

as many as her broken mirror.

Submitted on 2006-09-23 23:15:48 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  I enjoyed this immensely, If I have your permission I would like to send this to a friend. I can relate I think because at this time in my life all my friends are rushing to establish themselves in the world as adult. Most of them getting married and settling down. I on the other hand have no desire to get married for I think I am way to young. It is interesting that the girl in your poem finds herself after she has agreed to get married and she finds out she is more then just a wife. It is almost like in marriage she lost herself instead.(or so I assume she has already been wed by this line)
“More than his silly diamond,”
“no, even more than that…”
I am curious as to why this would remind you of me?
Thanks for sharing,
Candace
| Posted on 2006-09-28 00:00:00 | by Swanne | [ Reply to This ]
  This is really gorgeous. I think everybody ends up in their mirror sometimes, trying to figure out someone else's interpretation of the image. How can this face be beautiful? What is it that he sees in me? Why can't I see it myself?

"more than his silly diamond" speaks volumes, pulls the curtain back on the whole background of the piece... so well put. It implies to me that she puts the worth she presently has of herself, by the value of his assessment... I am special because he wants me, but what happens when he finally looks and sees what I see when I look at me? What happens then? And that of course, creates a little more self-loathing, because she feels like she's almost deceiving him because he thinks she's something that she thinks she's not...

Excellent piece! I don't think brevity is necessarily better when writing sometimes, because a few words can really make-or-break the setting and imagery... but I like both versions. This is such a great write, such a very good observance of another's self-criticism, that it's beautiful either way. For a guy with supposedly "no new ideas" to write about, you certainly got your muse back with a vengeance. More, please! LOL
| Posted on 2006-09-24 00:00:00 | by grey_girl | [ Reply to This ]


Not pleased with her existence,
she stares into her mirror,
smashes her palm
into the glass.

Claret blood runs
slowly to her elbow,
drips onto the dresser.

“What is it” she thinks aloud.
“that is so special
about my stupid life.”

The multicolored images
that she sees before her now
are a beautiful reflection

of a girl with many facets.
More than his silly diamond,
yes, even more than that…

as many as her broken mirror.
-------------------------------------------

Hi Lucy,

I like your poem, and the idea that it conveys - that in brokenness we can find beauty. Made a few suggested tweaks above to eliminate some unneeded words, and replaced the overused word, image, a couple times. Just some food for thought. Good luck with it.

Annie

| Posted on 2006-09-24 00:00:00 | by annie0888 | [ Reply to This ]

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