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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: remorsedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: naynay9_90
    Elite Ratio:    1.41 - 13/2/10
    Words: 134
    Class/Type: Poetry/Sorry
    Total Views: 598
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 777



    Description:
       for the times i let you down.... im sorry guys..


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsremorsedots
    -------------------------------------------


    leaving in broken heart ache and tears we severed all ties accomplished over the years
    subdued by the silence through loud triumph and pain
    know matter how the sun shines, still cold it remains
    the air filled once with laughter and joy
    turns that to the expression of a little lost boy
    confusion and lonliness shining though eyes for all to see
    we forget to withdraw that this boy is you and me
    we are just like him scared out of our minds
    contemplating over and over whether we deserve this life
    questions open ended still linger to be true
    for this feeling i conceive of is ironic for you?
    for you dont take it straight, deep to the heart
    we wake up a new day to the same old start




    Submitted on 2006-09-24 02:01:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      how do you improve all i no how to write is how i feel.. how to improv?
    | Posted on 2006-09-25 00:00:00 | by naynay9_90 | [ Reply to This ]
      It's good to know that some people admit all this. I enjoyed reading this for its simplicity but again, the way you presented this could be improved. Believe me: you'll get a lot more comments if you improve that.


    -Abbas
    | Posted on 2006-09-24 00:00:00 | by abuzzbuzz92 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
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    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    119270

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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    January 10 07
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