Bitter-Sweet by Cutting Envy

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Submission Name: Bitter-Sweet dots

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Author:	Cutting Envy
ASL Info:	900/?/Mars
Elite Ratio:	2.96 - 116/160/53
Words:	166

Class/Type:	Lyrics/Serious
Total Views:	293
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	1049

Description:
asfhdfh?

Bitter-Sweet dots

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Are we all
Submitted to
A boring life this way?
Do we all
Accept our fate
And walk blindly in the fire?

This bitter-sweet life we live
The history we don't learn from
Sweet, sweet misery is at the end of this road

The long road
That we travel, travel for no reason
The spoken words
That we fear will accuse us all of treason
The dirty fear
That we live under each and every day
The bitter-sweet
Life we live and pretend it's all okay

Speak up so they can hear you.
The freedom of speach that they grant us.
This is supposed to be a good thing.
How can it be when it doesn't exist?
How can we live when we can't voice our opinions?
How can we be safe when we are getting killed every day?

Change the world right now, you can
Don't worry it's not too late
This bitter-sweet life you live
Is not the only way

Submitted on 2004-05-23 23:01:32 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
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3: meh!
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||| Comments |||
This was lovely. Although I don't agree entirely with it. Life is a bit dull, but you can change that, anyone can with a bit of motivation and willingness. Life does seem to go down the hill politically and militarily, that I am in whole accord, but there are so many beautiful things out here in this world, and as small as they seem, they aren't. People should seek for beauty more than flaws. Very passionate and sentimental poem though. But I think that the three points you used are unnecessary. Otherwise, everything is great. Take care xox
| Posted on 2004-06-11 00:00:00 | by wordsofmind | [ Reply to This ]
woah. hold up. first thing's first: your poem has punctuation in some places that don't need it. go back and look over it. every line doesn't have to end in punctuation unless you're trying to stop your flow deliberately. i read this twice b/c i was stop-and-go through the first read but then read through it w/o thinking of punctuation the second time and the latter read worked much better.

you've got a good concept flowing here and you say some things with originality and guile. the last stanza gets a little on the offbeat though- loses the rhythm. that's the only thing i see wrong with it besides the punctation b/c i really like the way you talk of getting over your own fears and helping the world instead.
| Posted on 2004-05-24 00:00:00 | by EmeraldJealousy | [ Reply to This ]

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