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    dots Submission Name: you remind medots

    Author: dark figure
    ASL Info:    17/m/uk
    Elite Ratio:    4.19 - 66/74/29
    Words: 158
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1035
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 943


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    dotsyou remind medots

    When I look at the stars,
    they remind me of your eyes,
    the way they gorgeously light up the sky,
    the way they beautifully twinkle and shine,
    shining so bold and bright.
    When I look at the ocean,
    it reminds me of your smile,
    the way it takes my breath away,
    when I see your precious grin,
    I want you forever to stay.
    When I hear the wind,
    it reminds me of your voice,
    the way you speak so soft and sweet,
    the way you charm me with every word,
    I want always your heart to keep.
    Your whom I'll always love and adore,
    when these things happen,
    I love you more,
    I will always stand by your side,
    I will never run and hide,
    I know our love is truly strong,
    and hopefully we will do no wrong,
    for I have loved you from the start,
    and you will eternally remain in my heart...

    Submitted on 2006-09-24 16:56:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      *rubbing eyes* hmmm. Personally I'm not a big "love" poem person, at least not your "traditional love poem" style in general, mine are; well a new generation I supposed. This reminded me of a "love poem" responsive essay I just had to do for my midterm in Eng. 2; my teacher loved it, it was filled with sappy corny shyt, with allusive methaphors. Like "how your eyes twinkle gently in the frail moonlight, with your reflection shimmering as that of an angel right beside me" Yeah, no ne ever said I wasn't good at it. Lets see, good descriptiveness, but the fromat doesn't seem to work all that well, and if it's going to be as long as it is(which reallly isn't long at all), you need more additive, and coloring; to ensure the readers interest throughout the whole thing. Must remember, people are fairly impatient now adays, and if are to thoroughly follow must keep interest. They wanna here "lucious , precious things" and not in the same format some Shakespear wanna be would make it(not you, not at all; just an ex.) alrighty, peace bro.
    | Posted on 2006-10-20 00:00:00 | by dismentled | [ Reply to This ]
      Aww...who ever this is about must be really special to you. Its a lovely poem. I think its awesome and i dont have anything else to say.
    | Posted on 2006-09-25 00:00:00 | by Caotic_Disaster | [ Reply to This ]

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